


It's Not Weird (Except When It Is)

by Makizushi



Series: Is This Weird? [4]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Bonus Chapter, Canon-Typical Douchebaggery - All Characters, Dissociation, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Feelings Jams, Fluff and Angst, Frottage, Hand Jobs, Homestuck Kink Meme, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Internalized Victim Blaming, Karkat Swearing, Mildly Dubious Consent, Movie Night, Multi, OT3, Oral Sex, Post-Sburb/Sgrub, Quadrant Confusion, Rape Recovery, Sloppy Makeouts, This Is Going To End So Cute And Happy You Don't Even Know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-29
Updated: 2015-02-18
Packaged: 2018-03-09 04:51:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 21,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3236942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Makizushi/pseuds/Makizushi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Wherein John attempts the highly complicated Triple Makeouts Maneuver with his usual care and grace, Karkat is a kinky quadrant-blurring sass master, and Dave goes for the gold in the Poor Coping Mechanisms Olympics.</p><p>From the Kink Meme: "Have someone discover that Dave was abused horrifically by his Bro emotionally, physically, and possibly the sexually as well. Cue the hurt/comfort, 'how could I not have realized this before?'"</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Tsunamayo Makizushi's Writing Tumblr](http://tsunamayo-makizushi.tumblr.com)

Dating two people at once was the best idea John ever had, he was so proud of himself for thinking of it. There was almost always someone to hang out with and snuggle, and when he was busy he never needed to worry his boyfriends would get lonely. Sometimes all three of them would go on big dates, and other times they’d pair up to hang out more casually and tell the other one all about it later. The arrangement was perfect; just romantic enough to give John a floaty, giddy feeling of excitement but similar enough to their long friendships that they were all comfortable with each other.

The three of them were hanging out in John’s room after a dinner of pilfered leftovers, reading and dicking around on their computers. John’s dad was helping Roxy the elder with some new furniture and having dinner with her that evening. John suspected shenanigans, and to absolutely no one’s surprise he called to let John know he would not be home that night.

John stretched his leg out and nudged Karkat with his foot to get his attention. “With my dad gone we should do something awesome, like in the movies where they have a huge house party.”

“Yeah, that’s a brilliant idea.” Karkat muttered distractedly without bothering to look up from his screen. “When that’s over we can cram broken glass up our wastechutes while writhing naked in our own dripping stupidity. Then we can all hold hands and have a sing-a-long.”

Dave closed his computer. “If we’re going to pretend to be stereotypical teenagers why don’t we just get stoned and try to eat all the cake in the house.” He leaned forward in his chair earnestly. “The inevitable puke tsunami made of rainbow sugar would create a raging homosexual singularity that consumes half the city. The death toll would be huge but the resulting every-color-but-black hole would be a scientific marvel.”

“Ugghhh, fiiine. I’d say we could go out on a date but the weather is super shitty right now.” John flopped back on his bed, jostling Karkat hard enough that his computer nearly slipped to the floor.

“We can’t just ‘go on dates,’ they don’t just spring fully formed from the date god’s hideous distended date bladder.” He snapped, finally forced to pay attention. “You need to plan them, or give someone else enough time to plan them for your lazy ass.” In the weeks they had been dating it had become readily apparent that Karkat was a hilarious combination of intensely romantic and easily flustered by his own antics. Frankly, John felt it was a relief that he didn’t have to try and handle that side of Karkat by himself. It would’ve been overwhelming.

“You guys are so lame. This is clearly the part of the coming-of-age movie where we have a fumblingly awkward three-way and I, for one, welcome this heavily foreshadowed turn of events. Why, I’ll even volunteer to kick us off.” Dave got right up in Karkat’s face, pushing the computer in his lap closed with a snap. His voice dropped low in what he was obviously convinced was a fantastically sexy tone. “If we’re going to _sleep over_ , don’t you think we should change into our pajamas, senpai?” John snickered and went pink. The way Dave handled romance was about the same way he handled everything else; a dorky combination of sincerity and irony, with the latter doing basically nothing to cover up the former.

Karkat put his hand on Dave’s face and shoved him away. Dave dramatically flopped to the floor, cackling. “You’re mixing your ridiculous human tropes, worthless ass-cactus. I was right in the middle of educating some poor unfortunate souls. I'd almost finished dissecting their feculent word-vomit and you probably deleted all my good work.”

“I’m sorry people are wrong on the internet.” John dropped his book and cozied up behind him.

Karkat snorted, “You should be, I asked you to fix that problem days ago.”

Dave popped up and pointed accusingly. “Yeah John, bad boyfriend, worst mate-rail. I’m clearly the best moi-sprit, it’s me.”

John fell over in slow motion with a long, drawn out “Nooo!” and Dave triumphantly took his place in Karkat’s personal space. Karkat deposited his computer in the chair Dave had abandoned and rounded on him. “Stop mutilating my language douchebarrel, what did it ever- mph!”

Interrupting Karkat to kiss him was quickly becoming A Thing. There were even times that Karkat interrupted himself, mid-rant, to kiss one of them. Dave frowned when Karkat managed to flick his shades off his face, but he got back into the action when Karkat handed them off to John who carefully stowed them in the nightstand.

John loved watching them. It was easier to appreciate the adorable look of concentration on Karkat’s face and Dave’s easy grace from a distance. Dave rested his hands on Karkat’s shoulders and tried to move in to deepen the kiss, but almost lost his balance. For some reason Dave only ever touched them as lightly as possible, like he didn’t know if he was allowed, so instead of putting any weight on Karkat’s shoulders he tipped sideways and Karkat had to grab him. John could not believe he had just been thinking of Dave as graceful.

Dave smirked up at Karkat. “I’m so good at this.”

“Oh yeah, you’re just romancing the hell out of me, Strider. Maybe next you could take a header down the stairs. Hot.” Karkat gently lifted Dave back into position and John scooted up beside him and wrapped his arms around Dave’s waist. His bed wasn’t huge so they needed to be careful, but it did mean that both of them were constantly within easy reach.

“He’s beauty, he’s grace.” John nuzzled into Dave’s neck half behind him and started kissing him.

As far as makeouts went, they had been slowly figuring out what worked and what didn’t. It was hard for John to completely dismiss the anxious thought that he might upset Dave again, or worse, accidentally pressure him into doing things. Dave sometimes got in moods where he was desperate to please, and other times he was almost as cool and confident as he liked to believe everyone thought he was.

John’s kisses turned open-mouthed and lingering, which he knew Dave liked, and he flicked his gaze to Karkat. Of the three of them, Karkat got the most hot and bothered by watching, and he had the most difficult time not jumping into the middle of things. His pupils were blown wide like a cat’s. The tiny smirk that John gave him over Dave’s shoulder visibly riled him up, and in half a second Karkat swooped back in and resumed kissing Dave.

John nipped at Dave’s neck, pleased with himself when this caused him to make tiny gasping noises into Karkat’s mouth. One of Dave’s hands rested across his stomach over John’s, and the other threaded its way into Karkat’s hair at the base of a horn.

Apparently the fact that Karkat had tiny horns made them very sensitive; not in a sexual way, more like scritching a dog's head. John ran his free hand down to Dave’s hip, then more firmly back up his side. Dave broke the kiss with Karkat to gasp, “Can we please have less clothes? Karkat, I need your shirt off right now. I need this because of reasons.”

Karkat gave him a skeptical look, but started to pull his shirt off and John snaked a hand in to assist. Most of the assistance consisted of running his blunt fingernails along the hard planes of Karkat’s body, but still, assistance none the less.

Trolls were built subtly differently, and the way Karkat's muscles moved struck John as both fascinating and kind of weird. While he was compact for a troll, he was very sturdy compared to Dave, who referred to his build as “this twinky bullshit I’ve got going on.” Where Karkat was heavy and powerful physically, Dave was slender and delicate, or at least that's how John saw them. John was the tallest and had a decent amount of man-grit, but Karkat was probably stronger. Probably. He privately filed away the thought that he wanted to test that someday.

Dave turned and yanked John’s shirt and glasses off eagerly, but when it came to his own he visibly hesitated. John quickly said, “You can leave your’s on, we don’t mind.” But that only made Dave huff with annoyance and take his shirt off even faster. There were scars and marks all along his body. Some of them were quite faded and barely noticeable, most were small, but others stretched vividly over his skin. Karkat pushed his hand along Dave’s chest and then down his back. “You’re gorgeous; it’s hardly even fair how fucking pretty you are.”

Dave actually looked lost for a moment, but John nodded. “He’s right, you know.” Dave went very still, and John leaned closer. “You’re beautiful.” At that, Dave practically threw himself at John, straddling his lap and kissing him hard. John almost toppled over and hung on to Dave for dear life. Fortunately for all involved, Dave’s ass was extremely pleasant to hold on to, and John groped it with gusto. They stopped for a moment, and John scooted back enough so that he was sitting against the headboard. He grabbed Dave’s hips and pulled him along, and then - hell yes - they were kissing again.

There really was nothing like kissing Dave. The way he moved his tongue and his hips sent sparks up John’s spine. When he ground himself into John’s lap and moaned into his mouth, John legitimately thought he might die. Had anyone ever died from being too turned on? John was pretty sure he was going to be the first. Meanwhile, Karkat fitted himself to Dave’s back and Dave rocked back into him, his hands pressed against the headboard on either side of John for balance.

Jeans were the worst article of clothing ever invented, John was sure of it. His dick ached every time Dave brushed or rubbed against it, and Dave was doing that _a lot_. The motion was like targeted strikes designed to make him want to rip his pants off, burn them, and desecrate the ashes. Karkat seemed to pick up on this newfound and extremely important issue, and he carefully trailed a hand down to the waistband of Dave’s jeans. He nipped Dave’s ear and asked, “How are we doing?”

“We’re doing great!” Dave gasped. “We’re not doing me though, and th-that’s a problem. Oh-” Dave’s sentence shuddered to a stop. The button of Dave’s pants popped open and Karkat worked on sliding them down over Dave’s butt. They had never gone quite this far yet, but absolutely nothing in the world seemed like a better idea. John made a whining, wanting noise and reached to help out. The two worked together, Karkat steadying Dave by the waist and John pulling the hated jeans down Dave’s thighs. His boner popped free rather comically and visibly through his boxers, but the pants were as low as they could go at this point.

“Ugh! Let me just-” Dave tipped sideways onto his back next to John and quickly shucked the jeans the rest of the way off. After successfully kicking them away he looked up at John and Karkat and it was like a switch flipped. Dave’s eyes went wide and he stopped moving. He might have even stopped breathing.

Karkat noticed first. “Oh shit. What’s wrong?” John jerked his hand off Dave’s thigh where he had once again been “assisting” with the clothing removal. Karkat leaned back so he wasn’t looming over Dave anymore.

Dave shuddered back to life, but his voice was quiet and very small. “No, it’s fine. You don’t have to stop.” He pushed himself up so he was leaning on his hand, but his arm chose that moment to give out and he fell face first into John’s lap. John resisted the urge to wail in distress. His poor boner didn’t know what to think. The look on his face must have conveyed his alarm because Karkat promptly pulled Dave upright.

Dave went still again in Karkat’s hands, but he didn’t pull free.

Karkat was very firm. “Dave, what do you want?”

“I don’t- I’m sorry, you can keep going.”

“Listen to yourself! What are you talking about?!” Karkat didn’t actually shake him but he looked close to it.

Dave cringed and his breathing went funny, shallow and fast. “No! I’m sorry. Please!” That Dave sounded so upset was bad, but it was extra disturbing that he didn’t actually pull away, or curl up, or do anything to protect himself.

John felt sick. “Stop yelling at him, Karkat, that’s not helping.”

Karkat looked like he was officially 30 seconds away from either flipping his shit or crying, and he pulled Dave in to hug him properly instead of holding him at arm’s length. John started to say something, but Karkat cut him off. “Shut up, John! I want him to hear what he’s saying to us.” He held Dave away again, just enough for them to be able to see his face, but Dave still wouldn’t look at either of them. “What do you want us to do, hold you down?”

“No, what? You wouldn’t… I mean, I wasn’t-” He seemed to search for the words. “Why would I fight you when I said-”

“I heard what you said! You think we’re going to fuck you when there’s clearly something wrong just because you won’t stop us? That’s rape, Dave.” John made an extremely unhappy noise and Dave looked miserable. Karkat wasn’t finished though. “Don’t ask us to do that to you. Don’t - fuck - don’t _lie_ to us so that we do that to you. I can’t think of anything worse, I really can’t.”

Awkwardness radiated from Dave in waves that seemed almost visible in their intensity, and it didn't really help that he was almost naked. John was about to try and separate them when Dave finally hugged Karkat back and relaxed into him. “I’m sorry. And that’s not a panicky bullshit ‘I’m sorry’ either. I really am.” Karkat held Dave like he could envelop him; sit on him like a hen and keep him safe.

“I honestly didn’t mean it like that, but it’s hard to explain.” Dave gently disengaged from Karkat, and the fact that he was back to making his own decisions was a huge relief to John.

“Please help us understand, then. Karkat’s right, I don’t want to force you to do things. Just thinking about it…”

There was a short pause while Dave thought of what to say. “I guess I get frustrated with my bullshit, so I try to push through it. And it’s not something I can plan around, I've tried. I hate being like this. You guys…” He wrapped his arms around himself as though holding his guts in and laughed. It was a harsh sound. “You guys can’t know that when you say 'gorgeous' and 'beautiful' I hear ‘pretty little whore’ in my screwed up head. I didn’t even know that was going to happen. So I tried to ignore it, and then when... when things were happening and another stupid thing freaked me out... I guess I shut down or something. I'm sorry.”

There it was; that missed step feeling in John’s stomach again. Dave was right. There was no way they could have known to avoid those complements. Karkat had started producing a quiet, menacing clicking noise from somewhere in his thoracic cavity and hadn't stopped; John didn’t think he even knew he was doing it.

Dave seemed to settle a bit more into himself. “So I don’t know what’s going to cause this dramatic wankery, and I DON’T want to fucking cockblock myself and you guys constantly, so I was trying to just... deal with it.”

Karkat’s clicking growl intensified as he tried to talk through it. “That’s not dealing with it, that’s ignoring it and frankly it makes me uncomfortable as hell. If you want to stop, if you need us to stop, you have to tell us!”

“That’s the thing, though! I don’t want to stop! God, even now I want you both to throw me down and just wreck me, you have no idea. Let me make my own decisions!” At this point they both looked incredibly pissed. This was probably the sexiest argument John had ever witnessed, but he felt bad considering what it was they were arguing about.

“Hey guys, there has to be some kind of compromise.” He stretched over to grab Karkat’s hand and pulled him in to lean against him. “He’s right, Karkat, we can’t just tell him what to do.” Karkat grumbled, but didn’t object. “But Dave, we’re not okay with doing stuff to you when you’re not really here with us. Couldn’t we just take a break? Or, there’s three of us, so maybe you could catch your breath for a minute when you needed to. I’m sure Karkat and I could entertain ourselves in the meantime, and you could jump right back in when you were ready. If you really don’t want to stop, then we’ve got tons of options.” John petting and scratching Karkat’s head seemed to be helping him calm down, and Dave was ruffling his own hair ruefully.

“That’s… shockingly reasonable, coming from you. At least things would stop coming to a screeching halt because of me.” Dave laid down and stretched himself along beside them, wiggling in close.

“You know we’d never be mad at you for wanting to stop, right?” John carded his fingers through Dave’s fine hair to get some double head scratching action going on.

They all laid there comfortably for a while. It took a little time for Dave to decide what he wanted to say. “I guess not? I mean, I’m sure eventually you’d get tired of it. It’s not like you two don’t make a super hot item all on your own.” Dave looked embarrassed even voicing these thoughts. Karkat solemnly bapped him right on the face, and just kind of left his hand there. John wasn’t totally sure, but this was probably some kind of super kinky alien romance shenanigans.

“Doof. You pappin’ me Vantas, is that what’s going on? Hot, smeary quadrant mixing?” He grabbed Karkat’s wrist, licked his fingers, caught one in his teeth, and sucked. When Karkat’s face lit up red Dave popped the finger out of his mouth and nuzzled his face into Karkat’s palm. “Mmh, pile me hard, baby, gentle me down ‘till I can’t even walk straight. Pap that butt, I want to see palm prints in the morning.”

Karkat furiously opened his mouth but only a choking sound escaped. John snickered, “Daaave, you broke him, how could you?”

Dave got up on his knees, dragging John’s hand, still happily buried in his hair, with him. He moaned “Oh, John,” tenderly smoothed John’s fingers open, and kissed his palm. With a grin he popped two of John’s fingers in his mouth this time, and sucked on them gently, leering at Karkat all the while. Karkat looked like he might asphyxiate, and then he exploded.

“I will tear you apart until there is nothing left! I swear I will claw your dumb face off and rage-shit all over your leering human skull.” Karkat hauled himself upright on either side of John’s knees and faced Dave down, fury in every line of his puffed up body. It might have freaked John out if Karkat wasn’t also beet red and sporting an uncomfortable looking bulge in his pants.

Dave swung a leg over John to straddle his lap again, only facing the opposite way this time. Somehow, John found himself the chosen battle ground for whatever kind of confrontation was about to happen. Dave dragged an angry Karkat to him by his hair, saying “Is that a promise? Fucking do it, you kinky bastard, _destroy_ me.” With a tiny, furious snarl Karkat closed the distance and kissed him almost crushingly hard.

Karkat’s grip on Dave’s arm looked almost painful, and the way he was balancing his weight with one hand on Dave’s thigh pressed Dave’s barely clothed ass right into John’s crotch. When John whined “Jesus, you guys,” Dave very purposely started grinding his ass down onto John's dick. He grabbed Dave’s hips and felt how he moved. Watching Karkat bite at Dave’s neck while Dave yanked on Karkat’s hair made John severely regret not dealing with the whole jeans issue before.

“Mayday! How am I supposed to get my pants off while I’m literally covered in bitches, this is a dire emergency! Ow, fuck!” Dave had put too much weight on John’s poor, trapped boner. Karkat pushed Dave to the side so that he fell in a jumble against the wall and attacked the button on John’s pants.

“I have to take care of everything in this fucking relationship.” Karkat discarded the jeans and openly stared at the tent in John’s boxers in apparent fascination. Dave slid back over to them. “Filthy seat stealer, I called that spot. Anyway, what about your pants?”

While Karkat stood up to pull his pants off, Dave settled back in John’s lap. For a second Dave’s confidence seemed to waiver and he spoke to John over his shoulder. “Is this okay? I don’t actually want to make you uncomfortable.”

“Oh my god, yes, it’s amazing. You have the most perfect butt. I want it in my lap all the time.” Dave preened and arched his back with not a small amount of showmanship, pushing himself back against John’s dick.

Karkat snorted and climbed back on the bed. Dave gave a little wiggle that made John gasp. “How’s about it Karkat, want a complementary lap dance? S'on the house.”

“You are completely insane. Both of you.” Karkat crawled to Dave’s side and ran his fingers through Dave’s hair. “Besides,” He tightened his grip and pulled Dave’s mouth to his, “I thought I promised to ruin you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [EDIT] A portion of this chapter was re-written to be from Karkat's point of view. [You can read it here.](http://tsunamayo-makizushi.tumblr.com/post/140204736478/johns-kisses-turned-open-mouthed-and-lingering)
> 
> Okay, I lied, the NEXT chapter is porn, I'm sure of it. ;p
> 
> So expect a rating change and additional tags for future installments when they happen.
> 
> Thank you to my Smut-Editor-In-Chief, she is amazing. Despite her assistance I obsessively micro-edit even after posting, I can't help myself. Be warned.
> 
> I deeply appreciate kudos and especially comments, thank you for reading!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Tsunamayo Makizushi's Writing Tumblr](http://tsunamayo-makizushi.tumblr.com)

Dave moaned loudly into Karkat’s kiss. Karkat mumbled “John, help me out here,” against Dave’s lips and John eagerly obliged, grabbing Dave’s hips and smoothing his hands along his stomach and thighs, alternating between light and firm pressure. Dave writhed in John’s lap, seeming to balance between basking in the attention and getting overwhelmed. Karkat’s slightly blunted claws left light pink trails down Dave’s back, then he grabbed Dave’s ass perilously close to John’s own hard on. John desperately tried to ignore that for the moment though - _shh, boner, only Dave now._

Dave didn’t seem to know quite what to do with his hands. One trailed lightly along Karkat’s arm and the other rested over John’s hand, moving with him. He couldn’t seem to sit still, he was practically riding John. After a while of clearly enjoying Dave’s small, desperate noises, Karkat asked him again, “What do you want?”

Dave seemed to wrench the words from his throat with great effort. “Fffuck! Please, touch me, fuck me, something! Just don’t stop, please.” His face and neck were bright pink and his voice shook. It was incredibly cute. Karkat grinned like he’d won something.

John hooked his thumbs under the waistband of Dave’s boxers and nuzzled his shoulder. “Can these come off?”

“Yes? Yes. They can _so_ come off, if they don’t come off soon I’m going to be cleaning come off them. I want them fucking banished into the fires of Mount Doom, shredded by a jet engine, launched into-” The ridiculous monologue devolved into nonsense when Karkat slipped his hand under Dave’s boxers to palm his ass, dragging them half-way down in the process. It was a beautiful visual to have right in John’s lap, one that could only be improved by less clothing.

John coaxed Dave to partially lift himself up, and there was suddenly a lot of naked Dave between the two of them. His underwear bunched up half way down his thighs somehow made him look even more deliciously nude, and the way he gasped and shook was the hottest kind of vulnerable. John’s brain stuttered to a stop for a second, and he guiltily filed away that little train of thought for later examination.

Meanwhile, Karkat’s confidant demeanor fell away and he stared at Dave’s dick with a combination of alarm and fascination. John saw Dave take in the look on Karkat’s face before he slumped forward, giggling helplessly into Karkat’s neck. “Oh my god, your f-fucking face. Just kill me now, okay? M-make sure no one ever finds my body.”

Clearly this was John’s time to shine; to educate this poor alien on the intimate workings of male human anatomy. He grasped this new responsibility with seriousness, with only a tiny bit of barely suppressed laughter. Dave’s dick was warm in his hand; he carefully ran his fingers along it. “Is this okay?”

Dave’s hips jerked a bit at the contact, and he nodded emphatically like he’d lost his voice. John worked on slowly spreading precome over the tip and downward for lack of immediately accessible lube. Karkat caught Dave’s hands, which were fluttering uncertainly near the hem of Karkat’s underwear, and put them firmly on his shoulders. “You can lean on me, okay? Like, actually lean your weight on me.”

“No, but shouldn’t I-” John held Dave’s dick more tightly and started to pump his shaft, breathing heavily onto the back of his neck. Dave tried again, “D-don’t you want me to-” Karkat kissed and nuzzled his way up Dave’s neck to his ear, saying “No, stupid. We got this.”

Dave shuddered as John picked up speed, hips jerking back against John’s own increasingly urgent hard-on. “John, I could-” But what he could possibly do to John was lost when Karkat leaned in to kiss him heavily.

John spread his free hand over Dave’s stomach and held him tightly. “Never mind, man. We got you.”

Karkat started kissing back down Dave’s neck, but Dave didn’t try to talk anymore, he didn’t make any noises at all beyond quiet, slightly strangled gasps. He had a white-knuckled grip on Karkat’s shoulders, and seeing the way Dave forgot his completely unnecessary light touch made John happier than anything. John’s man-grit was put to the test by the unfamiliar angle of jerking someone else off, but the hot, hard feel of Dave’s dick in his palm, and the smell of sweat and sex, made everything beyond worth it.

After a little bit, Dave went from tense and shuddering under their ministrations to loose and almost limp. He was panting open-mouthed, his forehead resting on Karkat’s collarbone. He twitched – flinched? – and cried out when he came over John’s hand and his own thighs. John kept stroking him, slick and flushed, until he was sure he was finished.

Karkat held him, making a chittering, purring sound, and nuzzled him to within an inch of his life. Dave grew restless between them and struggled out of what was quickly becoming a cuddle-pile, wiggling out of his boxers the rest of the way in the process. Karkat huffed in fond annoyance, but let him go. John noticed he looked a bit glassy-eyed, but he didn’t have time to process that thought before Dave was kissing his way down John’s body.

Karkat said, “Um, what-” and John exclaimed “Dave, are you sure this is okay?” while trying not to come in his pants just from the thought of Dave’s mouth on his dick. Dave stopped with his fingertips on John’s stomach just above his boxers. “Yeah. I mean, is it? Please let me.” John hesitated until Dave actually looked up at him, and he _... seemed_ okay? “Sure- if you’re sure.”

With John’s help Dave pulled off and discarded John’s boxers, and curled up on the bed next to John’s legs. Karkat looked confused as to what was happening, so he snuggled up next to John against the headboard with his feet pulled in to give Dave space. This also gave him the perfect vantage point to intermittently kiss John and studiously watch Dave. He seemed to be going through a bit of culture shock; maybe trolls, with their sharp teeth, didn’t do oral sex? John’s brain stuttered to a halt again. He was about to do actual sex stuff with his boyfriend!

This was going to be over embarrassingly fast, John was sure. Dave licked open-mouthed kisses up the side of John’s dick, and then again on the other side until he was slick with spit. It felt amazing; soft and hot, like nothing he had experienced. John couldn’t have looked away for anything less than a house fire, and even then it would have had to have been a serious one. Karkat was making muffled noises beside him and squirming like he was the one getting a blow job.

Dave wrapped his hand around the base and slowly took John’s dick into his mouth, doing something with his tongue to the underside that felt incredible. He felt the tip of his dick hit the back of Dave’s throat, and then Dave started to bob his head and his hand up and down in unison, almost pulling off all the way before sinking back down. A breathless mishmash of curses and wanton begging poured from John’s mouth with basically zero help from his brain.

John almost - _almost_ \- exclaimed about how amazing Dave was at this; almost petted his messy hair in dazed wonder, but he caught himself and it felt like an ice cube slipped into his stomach. The very smallest ice cube, giving him the tiniest modicum of self-control. He had no idea of how Dave would react to any of those things; they really should have talked about– “Ah, fuck! Dave, I’m gonna come!”

Instead of pulling off, Dave swallowed John’s dick even deeper than he had before. When John came with an embarrassingly loud moan it was down Dave’s throat. The orgasm felt like it lasted at least twice as long as any time he’d gotten himself off. He could feel Dave swallowing around him, the muscles of his throat tight and wet. When he was finished and had started going soft in Dave’s grasp he finally pulled off and let go. Dave was panting, and looked a little dazed himself.

He wouldn’t meet their eyes when he said, very quietly, “I think I might need a break? I’m sorry.”

John didn’t know if he should feel gutted, for obvious reasons, or glad that Dave had said something this time. It was hard to feel a lot of anything in his post-orgasmic haze. Regardless, though, John knew that causing a commotion would only make Dave less likely to voice his needs in the future. “Yeah, of course, whatever you need.” His voice was higher pitched than he remembered. “Don’t be sorry.”

Karkat’s pupils were blown so wide that his eyes almost looked solid black. “What kind of completely grub-fuck insane human thing was, I mean,  _teeth_ and  _that_ I just, holy shit.” John turned and pounced, pushing one leg between Karkat’s and quickly shutting him up. It seemed like Dave really needed a moment where people weren’t paying attention to him and, John thought wryly, it was totally Karkat’s turn to get off. John was about a million percent ready to make that happen for him.

Laying on Karkat to kiss him was really nice, he was so solid and his skin was so smooth. The thought that he might be a bit sticky and spreading that all over Karkat’s thigh occurred to him far too late for him to do anything about it. John experimentally tried rolling his hips like he always felt Dave doing, pressing his leg up into Karkat’s crotch. Preliminary results indicated success.

Karkat grabbed him by the waist and helped him move, sometimes palming his ass so that John blushed pink. He felt Dave shuffling around on the bed to take John’s former spot next to Karkat, which, without looking up, he had to take as a good sign. John nipped at Karkat’s neck, saying “You have waaay too many clothes on. You should join the no underpants club with us; very elite, highly exclusive.”

Karkat was momentarily distracted from squinting at Dave suspiciously to look down awkwardly at himself. “I don’t know… Your human junk is really different and weird…”

John scoffed and adopted a very superior air. “Karkat, buddy, don’t you know I’m the best boyfriend? I selflessly scoured the internet for very informative and _scientific_ information about troll sex stuff.”

Karkat looked horrified and Dave snickered weakly into his hands, muttering “Oh Jesus, I cannot even believe this.”

John was not deterred. In fact, he felt emboldened. “Come on, it’ll be great. I can even go down on you.” He waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Karkat’s horror turned to affront. “Put those fucking hairy face insects away before I put them away for you. There is  _no way_ I am letting your ridiculous hopbeast dentition get anywhere  _near_ my mating parts.”

“Aw, come on Karkat, I won’t use my teeth. You have nothing to worry about. I want to try if you want to.”

Karkat looked enormously conflicted. “Well I guess it could… No! You’ve never done it before and it’s my mating apparatus you’d be mangling.”

“I would not! I’m hurt, Karkat. Wounded, even.” John flopped on him despondently.

Dave shifted uncomfortably. “I could do it.”

John and Karkat both said “No!” at the same time. Dave huffed and clearly tried to look offended, but he seemed more relieved than anything. Karkat papped him soothingly on the shoulder.

John realized his goofy display might seem like he was pressuring Karkat into something he didn’t want, so he quickly relented and kissed his neck affectionately. “It’s okay if you don’t want to. You should tell me what you do want though. I super want to make you feel good.”

Karkat held his breath like he was about to dive into deep water, and deflated like an angry balloon. “I DO want try it. A lot. But I swear to god, if you even…” Karkat’s face was dark red again. John loved how expressive he was, and how impossible it was for him to hide his emotions.

“I’ll stop the second you say stop, and you can talk me through what feels good. It’ll be so awesome, I swear.” John kissed Karkat again, as sincerely as he knew how. He scooted down the bed and tugged Karkat’s underwear off in one smooth motion. Ha! Already things were going well. Dave nuzzled Karkat’s hair and nibbled his ear, obviously wanting to participate somehow. John had an idea he was sure Karkat would love, it was so romantic.

“Dave, would you be okay sitting behind Karkat and holding him? That way he’d get all the snuggles. All of them that there are.”

“What kind of filthy quadrant blurring smut have you been watching Egbert? That is- it’s just-”

“It’s right up your ally, admit it.” John ran his nails firmly along Karkat’s waist and thigh, then ran them up his inner thigh teasingly.

Karkat bit his lip furiously. “I cannot believe the decadent absurdity of humans. How do you people get anything done when you could be having wild, kinky sex constantly? You use your mouths for crying out loud, and look at your fingers! Human males all look like fucking porn stars with their blunt little claws, it’s indecent.” During this screed, however, Karkat scooted slightly forward on the bed, allowing Dave to get comfortable behind him against a couple pillows.

When they were settled John kissed Karkat’s adorable nose and then his mouth for a bit. Fitting his thigh back between Karkat’s legs made him squirm, or maybe it was how Dave lightly scratched the base of his horns buried in his hair. John could feel Karkat’s bulge on his leg, but it was much less wiggly than the internet had led him to anticipate.

All of the rest of Karkat needed kissed too, it was vitally important. John didn’t want to make Karkat nervous about the whole teeth thing, so he kissed his neck, chest, and stomach very gently, with lots of licking. One of the many great things about Karkat was that his general lack of body hair made him very lickable. Not being a mammal worked out well in this case.

When John came more or less level with Karkat’s hip, he decided it was time to make a more concerted effort at figuring out this troll business. Karkat’s bulge was a dark, grey-red color and when he carefully ran his fingers along it, it did twitch a bit. He dipped lower to feel between his thighs and discovered Karkat was already really wet. John had never realized how incredibly sexy that might be before this moment. Karkat made a silly chirping noise and when John looked up he saw that he was grasping one of Dave’s hands like a lifeline. Dave seemed dedicated to petting as much of his head, neck, and upper torso as he could reach. It was tooth-rottingly sweet.

John pressed a finger against Karkat’s nook a little more firmly, planting the palm of his hand over his bulge. “If anything hurts or feels weird, you’ll say, right?” Karkat managed to glare at him despite his blissed-out state. “If anything hurts you’ll get my knee to your face, and then yes, I’ll say. At length.”

After a bit of touching Karkat all over and seeing what got the best noises, John experimentally licked and kissed the base of his bulge and down onto his nook. Karkat’s tense legs immediately fell open wider, and John got a gratifying “Whatever in the fuck you are doing, keep doing it forever!” John tried to lower himself to get a better angle but apparently eating someone out was not very comfortable. He sat up, rubbed his neck, and looked around for a moment.

Karkat’s eyes went as huge as John had ever seen them. “You have- On your cheek-” John wiped the genetic material – he knew troll words! – off his cheek and licked it with the sultriest face he could summon. He expected at least one of them to crack up, but now he had Dave’s wide-eyed attention too. He felt wonderfully sexy.

Sudden inspiration struck him. “Dave, gimme one of those pillows.” He put both of Karkat’s legs onto his shoulders, “Here, lift up a bit, just like- yeah,” and stuck the pillow under his butt. Karkat seemed desperately confused. “Okay John, we all know you can manhandle me around, fucking show off, now what oooh-kay that makes sense. I’m sure your smuggery gland is thoroughly overfull you absurd ass-cravat but I hope you know you’re stuck down there for the rest of eternity oh my god what are human mouths even made of, bulge-nip? Nip my goddamn bulge and I will remove your teeth, but please don’t stop, yes please!”

Karkat seemed to get embarrassed with his own desperate rambling; either that or he lost the ability to speak in anything but cute high pitched chirps and deeper, fantastically weird and sexy noises. Going down on a troll was very damp, John quickly discovered. At first he was a bit aimless in his ministrations, using long shallow licks, but after a minute Karkat buried a hand in his hair and sort of guided him. He found a particular spot that Karkat seemed to really like and licked deeply into it. Karkat’s bulge had gotten more active as well, so John carefully took it in hand and squeezed it gently like the inter-species relationship forums he’d found described.

It was clear that all of the earlier make-outs and things had gotten Karkat super wound up. This was getting John worked back up though. He wondered idly if they’d just go around and around, taking turns until they all died of too much amazing sex. Buried between Karkat’s thighs seemed like a good death. He accepted his fate with dignity and the satisfaction of a job well done.

Of course Karkat’s vocalizations seemed to take on a degree of urgency right as John considered giving his jaw a break. He smoothed some of the slick genetic fluid up onto Karkat’s bulge and redoubled his efforts. After an involuntary moan practically drove Karkat wild John started doing it on purpose. The musky smell of sex filled John's head, and the delicate folds of Karkat's nook clenched as John tongue fucked him with enthusiasm if not skill. John was pretty sure that Karkat hadn't meant to pull out any of his hair or squish his head slightly when he came, and it made him feel like champion nook-eater of the world.

John wiped his face on the already damp pillow case and crawled up to lay beside Karkat and Dave. Dave was still petting his face and hair lovingly, but with the distracted air of someone petting a cat while deep in thought. Karkat looked like he’d never fully recover and was making that contented chirring sound again.

Dave tried to ask Karkat, “Hey, I thought trolls came in buckets or something,” but Karkat just rumbled sleepily.

John was the troll expert, though. “I read that’s only during drone season and in porn. You should look this stuff up. There is nothing more serious than fucking research.” Dave groaned into Karkat’s hair while John waggled his eyebrows for all they were worth. He was a comedic genius.

After a few minutes of snuggling, Dave poked Karkat in the neck to get his attention. “Yo, I totally don’t mind being your personal heated body pillow but I need to take a piss.” Karkat grumbled dire threats as Dave pushed him forward and scrambled off the bed. He pulled on his boxers and t-shirt after a quick survey of the floor located his own clothes. Then he ducked into the hallway.

John curled into Karkat’s side and tangled their legs together. Everything felt so comfortable and safe, but he was worried about Dave a little bit. “Do you think Dave is okay?” Karkat signed deeply and patted John’s cheek. “I think he’s okay as could be expected, which is not very, but we should talk about it with him later after our fucked-out brains restart. I don’t think any of us did anything wrong though, so wipe that guilty look off your face before I pap it off.”

Dave was gone for a lot longer than John expected, and when he did come back his hair was damp like he’d showered. John hauled himself upright and started encouraging Karkat to do the same. “Come on dude, if we’re going to sleep we should at least get under the covers.” Also, having very little body shame was one thing, but John didn’t think he was ready to sleep naked in his dad’s house. It seemed rude on some level.

After a few minutes of jelly-legged fumbling, pajamas were achieved, the three of them arranged themselves on the bed as comfortably as possible. Three people stretched out next to each other didn’t fit as well as one could have hoped, but it would probably work for the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ha! The porn finally happened. I cannot BELIEVE how difficult it is to keep these nerdlords on track.
> 
> At least one more chapter left in this story, emotional hurt/comfort ahoy.
> 
> Thank you to my Smut-Editor-In-Chief, she is amazing. Despite her assistance I obsessively micro-edit even after posting, I can't help myself. Be warned.
> 
> I deeply appreciate kudos and especially comments, thank you for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Tsunamayo Makizushi's Writing Tumblr](http://tsunamayo-makizushi.tumblr.com)

Falling asleep so early in the evening meant that John accidentally woke up in the middle of the night. He burrowed into Karkat’s warm back and considered trying to drift off again, but right as he was settling back into sleep he realized he had way too much room on the bed. When he rolled over to try and figure out where Dave had gone he found him laying curled up on the floor. John flopped a hand over the side of the bed and tapped Dave’s arm, startling him awake.

“Hey, dude, did you fall off the bed? Did I push you onto the floor? I’m sorry, man, come back up here, I’ll make space.” John wiggled back so that Dave could climb up.

“No, it's fine. I just couldn’t sleep so I was messing around on the computer. Then I guess I finally drifted off.” Dave’s computer was on the desk, on the other side of the room where he’d left it yesterday. It made John a little uneasy that Dave thought he needed to lie about something so small, but he let it go for the moment.

“Okay, well, you should still come back up here. You can’t sleep on the floor, you don’t even have a blanket.”

“Um, yeah, maybe in a minute. You can go back to sleep, though.” Now that John was more awake and paying attention, Dave looked really uncomfortable and unhappy.

Instead of pressuring him to get into bed again, John forsook the warm covers and slid down on the floor next to him. “What’s up? Are you okay?”

“Yes. I mean, no. I’m sorry, I keep lying to you.”

Though they had been talking quietly, John’s initial carelessness and squirming around must have woken Karkat. “Ugh, what time is it? Consider your answer carefully or this very short conversation is going to end in bloody screaming homicide and almost nobody wants that. Almost.”

John ignored him for the moment, but Dave seemed to jump at the distraction. “It’s something like four in the morning. Go back to sleep or you're going to turn into the largest, angriest pumpkin. Or a giant pissed off tomato. And then I'll be forced to swoop down on fairy godmother wings to rescue your ass. I'd consider leaving you that way except you wouldn't have an ass anymore as an enormous rage fruit and that would be a crying shame. So I float down on my fairy as fuck wings, tenderly whisper 'I warned you bro' into your newly nonexistent ear, and rescue your ass, specifically. I pat it lovingly, there there, you won't be pasta tonight.”

Karkat squinted blurrily at them through the nonsense assault and eventually waived Dave quiet. “Just. Stop. What’s going on? Why is everyone on the floor?”

John rubbed the last of the sleep from his face. “Being on the floor is the latest trend. All the cool kids are doing it. Why don’t you join us?”

Dave was starting to look annoyed. “No you guys, the hottest trend is going the fuck to sleep.”

Karkat oozed to the edge of the bed and looked down at them. “I fucking knew it. You guys are having a feelings jam without me. What the rancid festering hell is this?”

This pushed Dave from annoyed into the rarely-explored territory of pissed off, and John moved his figurative butt post-haste to smooth all feathers that were ruffling before his eyes. “Karkat, we’re not. I woke up and saw Dave on the floor. I was just asking him what was wrong when you woke up.”

Dave spat, “NOTHING is wrong!”

“Hey! You JUST told me you were lying about being okay. You don’t need to be so hostile!” While John and Dave were facing each other down Karkat wearily got up and started bustling around the room, gathering random things and throwing them on the bed.

Dave scrambled to his feet and tried to grab an old stuffed animal out of Karkat’s hands. “What the hell are you doing?!”

“You know exactly what I’m doing, I’m building a pile. If we’re hashing this shit out now I want to do it properly.” He yanked the stuffed animal back and resumed arranging the mess he’d made into a slightly more sturdy, intentional-looking mess.

Dave was having none of it. “I’m not going to lounge in a pile of bullshit with you and cry about my fucking feels, so you can shove that shit idea straight back up your ass where you found it!” Dave stormed up to the bed and tried to pull stuff from the bottom of the pile so it would collapse.

Karkat snarled and John had no choice but to stand up and grab Dave's arm. “Stop it! Why are you acting like this?!”

Dave shouted “Because I don’t deserve you!” and shoved John away so hard that he stumbled back and fell on his ass. His back rattled the closet door in its frame where he'd slammed into it.

Time seemed to stop for a moment as Dave took in what he’d said and done. A look of devastated horror flashed across his face, but it was quickly supplanted by anger. “What do you want from me? D’you need to hear me say I’m lying trash? That I’m a stupid whore and you should never trust me?” Dave rounded on Karkat. “You wanna pat my face while I tell you all about how I wasn’t fucking there when we… After you specifically told me… Yeah, let’s cuddle up and talk about how I’m such a slut that when my boyfriends say they’re uncomfortable my immediate reaction is to jump them and put a cock in my mouth. Like that’ll make it better." Dave's voice was full of mean, bitter sarcasm. "Like that’ll make what I did better…”

Dave looked like he was about to fall apart, but he quickly gathered himself. “No. You don’t want to hear any of that. You don’t want to hear that I’m probably not capable of giving meaningful consent like you need, that I’m too disgustingly broken to be with either of you.” Karkat looked speechless, like he didn’t know where to start. Dave had clearly been thinking about this a lot while they were asleep.

John felt like his heart was going to shatter into a million pieces, and then he’d throw them all up individually on the carpet. “Are you - are you breaking up with us?”

Dave’s face crumpled. “No…I should, but…” His voice trailed off. Dave was twitchy again, like he'd forgotten how to move and was commanding each muscle manually one by one. He inched closer to John like he was scared of him. “I’m so sorry I pushed you. I panicked, but that’s no excuse.”

“Dave, it's fine, you didn't hurt me. I shouldn’t have grabbed you when I could see you were upset. Can we talk about some of this stuff though, please? I’m sorry it’s hard but I think you need to talk about it, and your well-being - well - it affects us too.”

For a moment it seemed as though Dave would start shouting again, but he looked at John on the floor, and Karkat being uncharacteristically quiet, and he relented. “I guess I owe you guys enough to try, at least.”

Dave sat on the bed gingerly, like it might collapse underneath him. Hitting the closet door hadn't actually hurt John any more than the roughhousing they normally got up to, but it had obviously upset all three of them. This talk-slash-feelings-jam seemed long overdue. John and Karkat climbed on the bed with Dave and settled into the pile Karkat had put together. It seemed to consist mostly of pillows, blankets, stuffed animals, and what felt like half a basket of clean laundry John had been too lazy to put away. “This is actually really comfortable, Karkat.”

Karkat fussed with a pillow. “Well, it’s not a proper pile. Humans are so disconcertingly delicate, I didn’t want to give it any edges. I suppose it’s okay though. Dave, are you joining us?”

Dave crawled between them with a look of misery that would have been more appropriate at a funeral or his own execution. “What do you want to talk about?”

Karkat cut right to the chase. “Well, how about we start with why you just picked that fight? I got the strong impression that it was to punish yourself for something but I can’t actually figure out what.” John thought that was incredibly astute, it fit perfectly with the weird way Dave was acting. For the first time it occurred to John that Karkat might be so into moirallegiance at least in part because he was really good at it.

“I wasn’t… I mean… I guess I might have been doing that.” Dave looked exasperated and upset, but he kept talking. “Shouldn’t I punish myself? I already said I lied to you guys. I’m awful.”

“What did you lie to us about, specifically?” John thought he might know a least part of it, but Dave’s reaction was so drastic he wasn’t sure.

Dave’s voice went a little frantic. “About being there with you when we were doing stuff! I didn’t realize I wasn’t at the time, but that doesn’t make it okay. And even before that, about why I freaked out the first time. I didn’t mean to, I’m sorry.”

Neither John nor Karkat touched him, even though at that moment John wanted to hug him forever. “I thought you said it was the complements that upset you? That they, like, reminded you of stuff?”

“If I’m being totally honest, I kind of hear that stuff in my head all the time. It’s like a running commentary on my life. I try not to believe it’s true, but that’s bullshit so when I… hear something similar from one of you… I can’t really pretend anymore.”

John exclaimed “Wait, we what?” and Karkat sounded downright offended, “We would never even insinuate that you were a whore, or any of that sick victim-blaming oinkbeastwash I keep hearing you beat yourself up with.”

“No! Wait, I’m messing it up again.” Dave covered his eyes, like he was thinking hard. “It’s like a chain that I can’t stop, but it’s not your fault. You say pretty and I hear ‘literal prostitute,’ and that’s disgusting. I have no right to be touching real people, I’m super gross. So it’s like, you accidentally reminded me of why I don’t deserve either of you. I can’t really ignore how I’m tricking you when you bring it to the forefront of my mind. Usually it's just hanging out in the back of my head where I can pretend it doesn’t exist. So of course I had to be like ‘nuh-uh’ and smear myself all over you guys like cheap lube to prove myself wrong.”

By the time Dave had reached the end of his explanation John couldn’t stop himself from making distressed noises, but Karkat gave him a Look that managed to communicate something akin to ‘ _Be quiet or I will disembowel you slowly_.’

“And when you panicked, what was going on then?” It was rare for John to hear Karkat sound so restrained, but he seemed determined to keep Dave talking.

“I don’t know… Um… I guess it’s like, for just a second, I could see, and feel, and – fuck – _smell_ something that happened before. But I don’t… You guys don’t need to hear about…” Dave curled in on himself and held himself tightly.

Karkat shook his head. “It’s okay; you don’t have to tell us unless you want to. But what happened after that?”

“Hah, when I was fucking lying to you again you mean?” Dave sounded disgusted and angry, but he wasn't directing it at them this time.

Karkat rolled his eyes. “I guess you could call it lying, I wouldn’t, but yeah, what about then?”

“Ugh. This is so much talking. Okay, I was freaked out… and I kind of wanted to stop but I also didn’t. I guess if my thought process before was ‘don’t touch them, you’re filthy’ this time it was more like ‘don’t stop, you’re not good for anything else.’" Dave grabbed and pulled his hair. "Oh my god, I sound so pathetic. How are you listening to this?”

“With my goddamn ears.” Karkat patted a pillow near him, but still didn’t touch him. “Don’t assume we’re judging you the same way you judge yourself. So what about the conversation we had then?”

Dave was quiet for a minute. “I meant what I said about not really wanting to stop, but I guess I just… didn’t think very hard about what was really bothering me at the time. You were hell bent on talking about it and I was still kind of freaking out so I said whatever I needed to say to make you guys stop being upset at me. It was all true, but it also kind of wasn’t…”

John was fascinated, watching Karkat drawing Dave out like this. He had never heard Dave talk about himself or his feelings so much in all the time they had been friends. It was sad, though, that it took Dave feeling guilty for blowing up at them for him to open up. When Dave’s last sentence ran out of steam Karkat prompted him again. “Can you expand on what you mean by that?”

Dave rubbed his face hard. “I wanted to keep going for all the reasons I said then, but I didn’t want to stop because I was scared. I don’t really think… You guys wouldn’t actually be mad at me, but people can only put up with that cock-blocking bullshit for so long before it’s not even worth it.”

John remembered that part of the conversation. “You did start to say something kind of like that…”

“Heh, yeah, and then I jumped Karkat because throwing myself at people is easier than being honest.”

John could practically hear Dave calling himself awful words in his head, it made him want to destroy things with his old hammer. "We almost snuggled then, would that have been better?"

Dave made a dismissive gesture. "No, we almost started having a real conversation and then I fucking derailed it because I'd rather you guys know I'm a slut than actually connect with you on an emotional level. I'm awesome like that."

John's stomach sunk like a rock. “Is that really all you were doing?”

Dave turned to look at him, and his face was heartbreaking. “No... I also really wanted to... to be with you, I swear I did. And this is why I’m so sorry… I can’t even trust my own motivations. Do I really want these amazing, gorgeous people or am I just being easy? Who knows?”

John started to say, “Dave, I wish you would stop-” but Karkat bulldozed right over him.

“What happened after that though? You were okay and then you weren’t, but we didn’t notice the transition.”

“Nothing happened. Well, I say nothing.” Dave smiled a tiny bit. “You guys were _not_ nothing, you were wonderful. But… I kind of… It’s never really been... consensual before? At least not like that. I went away, it was automatic. I didn’t know that was going to happen even when I wanted it, and I don’t know what I could have done differently. I’m so fucking sorry.” He started sniffling, and the rest poured out of him. “Then I was half out of my head, but I didn’t realize it at the time. I manipulated you into letting me… when you wouldn’t have wanted it, if you’d known. If I’d been honest with you- And you trusted me! I am the absolute worst.”

Dave was crying in earnest now. “I didn’t even realize how bad it was until I watched you and Karkat together. How you… How you treated each other. And I didn’t even… I’m sorry…”

John couldn’t take it anymore. “Dave, can I hug you, please?”

Dave’s voice was muffled in his hands. “You don’t want to, I’m so nasty right now, my face is all…” Karkat sat up, grabbed the tissue box off of John’s nightstand, and poked Dave with it. For some reason Dave started crying even harder and took half a dozen tissues to mop his face. After a couple of minutes, when Dave had, with great effort, wrestled himself back under control, he shakily scooted a bit closer to John. “You can. I mean, if you still want to…”

John had actually thought better of how he’d phrased his question. “Do you want a hug?”

Dave looked confused for a second, like he was searching for the right answer. What John really wanted was a true answer though, and he was beginning to see that in Dave’s experience the two hadn’t always coincided. “I’m really asking.”

Dave drew back into himself. “In a minute, if that’s okay.” John nodded and smiled. “Of course.”

Karkat finally seemed to give himself permission to speak. “You did really good, talking about all of that stuff. There was… a lot. There’s about a million things I could try to argue with you about: how you don’t deserve to be punished, how all of those things you call yourself are not true, and that we will never leave you for saying ‘no,’ things like that. But it seemed like the thing that was bothering you most was what you did with John.”

Dave whispered “yeah” and John felt really bad again. “Dave, listen. That wasn’t 100% your fault, we were both active participants.”

Dave shook his head and looked nauseous. “I lied to you. I tricked you into sex you wouldn’t have wanted. Don’t you understand what that makes me?”

John felt a flare of anger. “You did NOT lie to me; you said something you believed to be true at the time. That’s called a mistake.” He ducked down to try and see Dave’s face. “We were both irresponsible and impulsive; I even recognized at one point that we hadn’t talked about what we were doing but I was stupid and wasn’t exercising self-control like I should have been. Dave,” John mightily resisted the urge to touch him. He was going to fucking do the self-control thing if it killed him. “You did not trick me, manipulate me, or force me in any way.”

Dave’s voice was tiny and quiet. “I thought you would be angry and betrayed when you found out. But I couldn’t just not say anything. I was so angry at myself. I didn’t want to be touching you when I’d done something like that, especially not when you were asleep.”

“Nooo, Dave, that’s not how that happened. We both made a mistake, together, and it hurt you badly and I’m so sorry for my part in it.” Things made so much more sense now, and John was fighting the urge to start crying too. "Dave, I'm okay, I really am."

Dave very lightly touched John’s hand. “I’d like that hug now.” John was so ready for that hug, it was the hug by which all other hugs would be measured and found wanting. He held Dave close and pressed his face into his hair. Dave curled up into him like John's body was a shelter; like safety was hidden in John's collarbone. John felt all emotionally wrung out and exhausted, but he also felt... better.

After a minute Dave shifted and rolled over in John’s arms to face Karkat. “This doesn’t fix the fact that I don’t know what meaningful consent even means for me. I don’t trust myself. How can I even be in this relationship with both of you, being like I am?”

Karkat papped his face gently. “I think it’ll take some experimentation, and some fucking up, but also knowing that we’re going to fuck it up sometimes. And forgiving ourselves when that happens.”

John grinned over Dave’s head. “Working out the _kinks_ , right, Karkat?” Karkat face-palmed beautifully and Dave snickered stuffily.

“This isn’t my life, lying in a pile while you crack puns like the foulest spoilt grub eggs. This is a hideous squirming abortion of a life and I demand a fucking do-over.” After the obvious pain inflicted by John’s amazing punning skills subsided, Karkat scooted closer and started preening Dave’s hair.

“We need to talk about some of the other stuff you said too, and about mistakes we all made, but I think that’s going to be an ongoing process. Like, I was an ass for panicking and yelling at you earlier. It feels really gross that I kind of forced you disgorge your feelings in between bouts of putting my tongue in your mouth. I'll try to reign that shit in, and I'm sorry." Karkat bumped his forehead against Dave's, his blush making it seem like this was a significant gesture of some kind. John would have to ask him later.

When he pulled back again Karkat wore a more serious expression. "The most important thing to me, though, is that you understand that there is no deserving or not deserving us. We _want_ you, and we care about you. I, um, might even want to say that I love you… at some point, in a suitably romantic fashion. I certainly troll-pity you, for what that’s worth to your human sensibilities.”

Karkat got Dave’s attention from where he’d tried to hide his face in a stuffed bear and an old t-shirt. “We’re not different from you, or above you. You said you didn’t deserve to touch real people. I know what it’s like, to be treated like you’re not real. On Alternia I was literally not a troll under the law. It sucks, and I’m not having that in our relationship. You’re as real as we are.”

Dave went incredibly still in John’s arms. John started to ask if he was okay, if he needed some space, but Dave reached out to hold Karkat’s hand. “I’m trying to give the honesty thing a go, see how it works out so… I don’t know if I can believe you… at least not right away.”

Karkat smoothed Dave’s fingers open and pressed Dave’s hand against his face. “Yeah, me neither. Suddenly being a real person is hard. We'll figure it out."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I keep saying at least one more chapter and it keeps being true. Gotta get these boys sorted and happy, poor babies.
> 
> Thank you to my Smut-Editor-In-Chief, she is amazing. Despite her assistance I obsessively micro-edit even after posting, I can't help myself. Be warned.
> 
> Writing updates and little snippets of things that didn't make it into the fic can be found on my writing tumblr here: [Tsunamayo Makizushi's Writing Tumblr](http://tsunamayo-makizushi.tumblr.com)
> 
> I deeply appreciate kudos and especially comments, thank you for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Tsunamayo Makizushi's Writing Tumblr](http://tsunamayo-makizushi.tumblr.com)

The three of them fell asleep in the pile for a few more hours before John’s dad got home. The smell of breakfast wafted in from the kitchen, and John awoke to find it was almost noon and he was starving. Both Dave and Karkat were incredibly light sleepers, John was discovering, so when he tried to sneak out of bed they both came alive in quick succession.

Dave stretched himself awake, and seemed to be feeling a bit better as he deliberately rolled his sharply-angled body on top of Karkat. Karkat flopped a hand at Dave and papped him on the butt probably harder than he intended. Dave wiggled, saying “Oh, Mr. Vantas, oh.” Poor Karkat did not look up to mouth noises of his own just yet, though, and in the interim Dave got a huge whiff of the breakfast smell. “I love your dad, John. I love him like I have loved no other. Sorry everyone, I’ll make sure to invite you to the wedding.”

John climbed back on the bed and snuggled into the boyfriend pile, temporarily distracted from Breakfast Quest by how cute they were. Just as he was about to make a second attempt at escaping the confines of bed and getting up for the day, John remembered something important.

“Dave, there was something I wanted to ask you about, but we fell asleep before I got the chance.” Dave looked suddenly very awake and wary, like he was in trouble. “It’s nothing bad! I was just thinking… what would you think of the idea of seeing a therapist about… about some of the stuff you went through? Karkat and I can try to help as much as we can, but I feel like some things might be beyond us. Also, you’re so important, and if there is anything that can help you I want to make sure we at least consider it.” John couldn't help feeling a little nervous. He didn't know how Dave would feel about the suggestion.

Dave looked awkward. “I’d say I’m not crazy but that’s probably not true…” Karkat roused himself to speech just enough to rasp out, “A thera-what-now?”

“Dave, no! That’s not what I meant. Therapy isn't for ‘crazy’ people, whatever that even means. It would just be someone who could help you sort stuff out, teach you how to cope with stuff better, and help you talk to yourself differently. That sort of thing.”

Doubt filled Dave's face. “Even if that was true, they’d think I was insane the first time I accidentally mentioned Sburb.”

“There might be a way to work around that. Would it be okay if I talked to my dad about it?”

A look of panic crossed Dave’s face. “No, John, please don’t tell anyone!”

John’s heart went crunch. “I won’t, if you really don’t want me to. But I wouldn’t have to tell him anything specific. My dad would want to help even without knowing much, and he wouldn’t spread it around or anything.”

Karkat scrunched his face with a look of mild distaste. “Aren’t therapists something like professional moirails? That sounds kind of creepy, John.”

John attempted to rub the little concern lines from between Karkat’s eyebrows. “No, it’s a medical profession that humans developed. They help people with trauma and mental illness and stuff. My dad was telling me about it right after we got out of the game. He was worried about what I’d been through and put it forward as a possible option in case I needed it. I don’t really know what it’s like, especially in this mishmash universe, but we could find out.”

Dave curled around John like a backrest. “If it’s… You said that my well-being affects you guys so… I guess we could at least look into it. Promise you won’t tell your dad very much.”

“Yeah, of course. I promise.” John carefully smoothed Dave’s hair one way and then the other, enjoying the feel of it running through his fingers.

Somehow Karkat seemed even more apprehensive about the idea than Dave. “We have vastly different expectations when it comes to medicine, Egbert, but as long as it’s not like that fucked up Beforan ‘culling’ practice or a docterrorist then it’s probably okay. Most of my experience with ‘therapists’ is Dave's pants shittingly terrifying ecto-sibling, so you can imagine my trepidation.”

Dave reached out for a fist-bump, saying “Haha, same.”

After escaping the pile and a bit of rummaging, Karkat found his clothes and started pulling them on. “Hurry up, lazy bulge barnacles. I don’t know your lusus well enough to consume every single pork strip in his hive out from under him without your sorry presence as a distraction.”

John distinctly heard Dave mumble something about “consume _your_ pork strip” but he uncurled and heaved himself out of bed.

John elected to watch them get dressed before attempting it himself. His boyfriends were gorgeous; Karkat’s butt was probably a national treasure and Dave had beautiful little kiss marks from where Karkat had mauled him last night. Dave noticed; Dave _always_ seemed to notice when John’s mind was in the gutter. “This is the exact opposite of a strip-tease, dude.” Belying that statement, Dave canted his hip sharply to the side, ran a hand down his chest, and tossed his messy hair dramatically. John laughed at his goofy duck-lips face; how anyone could ever think Dave was anything but a huge dork was beyond him.

Karkat was not amused. “We’re not getting distracted, we’re going downstairs to eat hopefully obscene quantities of oinkbeast.”

Dave proceeded to grab Karkat’s waist and do a ridiculous little booty dance just behind him, grinning like a loon. “Come on Karkat, shake your groove thang. I mean, just look at it, you’ve got so much to shake.”

Karkat scoffed and zipped up his pants like Dave wasn’t using him as a dance prop. “I know you’re not calling my ass fat.”

Dave blatantly groped Karkat’s ass and John laughed, “I don’t think fat is the right word.”

Dave hopped away when Karkat gave in and tried to grab him. “Nothing wrong with ‘da booty Karkat! ‘When a boy walks in with an itty bitty waist and a round thing in your face you-’ Oof.” A pair of pants smacked Dave in the face, interrupting his impromptu performance. He pulled them off his head, still smiling. “These aren’t mine. Who’s pants am I getting into here? Doesn’t even matter, I know I’m going to need a belt. This twink business of mine could never fill y’all’s jeans.”

John finally got up and took the pants away from Dave. “Come on, we better hurry before Karkat gets too hungry and eats us.”

Dave’s eyes lit up and John realized what he’d just walked them into. “I have zero problems with that. You wanna eat me, Karkat? Swallow me down whole? Make sure you don’t choke, I know it’s hard but – Aw man, why?” This time a collection of dirty socks had hit him right in the neck.

Their horsing around was cut short when John’s dad called up the stairs. “It sounds like you boys are up! Breakfast-lunch is about ready so come down and eat.” Everyone quickly dressed and hygiened after that, and John led the way downstairs.

John loved his dad, so initially it had bothered him that Dave was nervous around him, and Karkat was openly wary. It didn’t seem to upset his dad though, and John supposed neither Karkat nor Dave were very familiar with friendly, safe adults. They were making progress though; Karkat happily ate as much bacon and eggs as he could, and Dave had stepped up from anxious quiet to nervous long-winded rambling.

Both Dave and Karkat needed to head out after eating, so they got their stuff together and prepared to leave. Dave was taking Karkat home before going out to meet Rose for coffee, so they kissed John goodbye and promised to see him soon. John’s dad was watching television in the family room, so he decided to be brave and get right down to his important and no doubt inevitably awkward request.

John plopped onto the couch sideways, immediately getting his attentive dad's attention. “Hey dad, can I talk to you for a second?”

“Of course, son, what's on your mind?”

“It’s about Dave. I’m worried about him, and I’ve kind of promised not to tell anyone a whole lot about why.” John fidgeted awkwardly under his dad’s now very concerned stare. Dave trusted him to only reveal a minimal amount of information, but it was hard to know exactly what his dad would need in order to help. “Umm… So the thing is Dave was raised by his Bro, which I think you might have heard about. But I recently found out that he wasn’t a... a very good person, or a good parent. It was bad enough that Dave is still kind of suffering, even though his Bro is gone.”

John’s dad held up his hand to cut off his explanation. “I think I understand. You’re saying that Dave’s guardian abused him, and you’re worried about the ongoing effects of that abuse. But he doesn’t want people to know what happened, and you’re trying to respect that but also find help for him.”

John nodded gratefully, and continued. “I asked him to let me tell you just a little bit because I thought you might be able to help find a therapist or a psychologist for him. One that wouldn’t freak out about Sburb. I don’t want Karkat and I to be his only help, we’re barely adults.”

A proud smile spread across John’s dad’s face. “Son, you have grown to be a compassionate and intelligent young man. You are absolutely correct; you should assist your boyfriend as much as you can, but you cannot take the place of professional assistance. Part of effectively aiding people is knowing your own limits, and I am so proud of you.”

John hugged his dad tightly, and felt a profound sadness that Dave had never had a moment like this with his own guardian.

\---

The next time Dave came over to hang out it was without Karkat, and he and John spent most of the afternoon playing video games. Though everyone from the game had more than comfortable resources, financially-speaking, in the new universe, John’s dad said he felt the need to do some type of work to keep himself occupied and entertained. It wasn’t until early evening that John heard his dad come home.

“Oh hey, that’s my dad. We’ll probably have dinner soon then, I’m starving.”

John’s dad came in the living room and greeted them. “Good evening boys. How has your day been?”

Dave said “Hi, Mr. Egbert” while still pounding away at the buttons and John set aside his game controller.

“It was good! D’you want help with dinner?”

Instead of heading upstairs to change like he usually would, John’s dad sat in one of the comfortable chairs near the couch. “Before that I was hoping to have a talk with Dave.” With his shades on it was a bit more difficult for John to read Dave’s expression, but he was fairly familiar with the way he went completely still, like a deer in headlights.

During their conversation, John learned his dad had noticed Dave’s anxiety around him and he had worried something was off. It also became apparent that they might have to get a bit creative in finding resources because Sburb would sound like a serious delusional disorder and hiding something like that from a therapist would make things very difficult.

“Nothing’s wrong, and you’re not in trouble. John told me a little bit about your family history, and that you were considering seeking professional help.” Dave nodded and put down the controller but seemed otherwise unable to communicate at the moment. “Would it be okay if we talked about this here, or would you rather John not be present?”

Dave quickly shook his head. “No! Um, no, John can stay.”

John thought his dad’s reassuring smile looked a bit sad. “I just have a few questions that’ll help make sure we find someone suitable. I assume you’ve never been in therapy before, but do you have any particular preferences you think might help with your comfort level? Human, male or female, that sort of thing?”

“They have non-human therapists? Umm… human, I guess? I don’t know if that matters, but…” Dave shifted uncomfortably. “If… if they could be female that would be good.”

John’s dad nodded. “I’ll keep that in mind. The next thing, therapists have specialties. Some of them work mostly with addiction, others with mild disorders, and some with specific serious mental illnesses, though most are capable in a variety of fields. I take it you’re looking for one that deals primarily with trauma?”

Dave looked like he would rather be absolutely anywhere else. “I guess? What will happen if I’m wrong?”

“Nothing would happen, really, I just want the process of finding someone for you to be as smooth as possible. It sometimes happens that a particular therapist just isn’t a good fit, or sometimes they don’t have the right training to handle something with the necessary care. There is a bit of a trial process; people can click with a therapist right away, but sometimes they don’t.”

Dave nodded jerkily and seemed to push through his own awkwardness with great effort. “How do you know about all this stuff?”

“Well, most of the things I know about therapy are from our old universe, so this will be a bit of a learning experience for everyone. I often volunteered with crisis shelters when I was young, though, and helping connect people with resources and dispelling misconceptions was part of that work.”

John hadn’t known that about his dad, and he was simultaneously proud and a bit guilty he hadn’t thought to do something similar with all of his new-found free time.

“There’s just one more thing I feel I should ask you about. It might be a little tricky to find someone who believes you about the game, and simply concealing years of your life from your therapist would be counterproductive. I think I would have the best chance if I talked to Dr. Lalonde, Rose’s mother, about what you’re looking for. But I don’t want to do that without your permission.”

John could tell Dave was lost and unhappy, the way he got when he was scared that what he wanted conflicted with what others wanted from him. “Dave, my dad is really asking, not just pretending to ask.”

John’s dad confirmed. “Yes, of course. I won’t be upset if you’d rather I didn’t, and I’ll still do my utmost to help you find what you need. Perhaps you’d feel more comfortable if I promised to keep your identity private?”

Dave asked, “Would that be okay?” and seemed to study John’s dad carefully as he nodded his agreement and gazed solidly back.

“That would be perfectly fine. I thank you for trusting me, Dave.”

Before John’s dad could continue a question seemed to burst from Dave’s mouth. “Why are you doing all of this?”

The sad look was back on John’s dad’s face. “I suppose I could say it’s because John cares for you so deeply, and it’s something you need. But the truth is that you’re an excellent young man, and it breaks my heart that you’ve been treated poorly. Absolutely everyone deserves a loving parent in their life, and this is something a good parent would help their child with.”

Dave sounded slightly miffed. “I’m not a child.”

John’s dad raised his hand in acknowledgement. “You’re right, of course. The game forced all of you to grow up quickly, and you probably had to even before Sburb. I just hope that you will consider me a resource if you are ever in need of some fatherly assistance or advice. I consider you and Karkat a part of this family.”

“Thanks, Mr. Egbert.” Dave had a tiny, barely-there smile on his face that stayed even after John’s dad left to change out of his work clothes. He seemed a lot more comfortable than he had earlier.

John flopped against him. “My dad really likes dad-ing. I hope he didn’t embarrass you or anything.”

Dave grinned and spoke quietly. “I don’t know how I’d feel about having the same dad as you, dude. Might make things a little awkward. Iiya, Nii-chan, kimoi.” John was put in the intensely awkward position of not knowing if he should laugh or be horrified. It must have shown on his face though, because Dave smacked his own forehead. “Wooow, that was way more inappropriate than usual. Sorry ‘bout that. Score one for Dave’s amazing social skills.”

John didn’t want Dave to feel bad. “No, I just didn’t think you’d be okay joking about that sort of thing is all…”

Dave waved his hand. “Pff, are you kidding me? I joke about all this shit; makes it bearable. Some of it’s fucking funny too. Getting ambushed by piles of rainbow puppet sex toys? Sure that’s messed up, but it’s still funny as hell, at least to me. Most people don’t share my irremediably warped sense of humor though, so I at least make an attempt to avoid being an ass that weirds people out." Dave kissed him. "People I like, anyway.”

“Well I'm glad you like me so much, because I _like-_ like you.” Dave muttered "ugh, dork" into John's hair. After a few minutes of snuggling and totally _not_ being a dork John heard his dad messing around in the kitchen, and Dave got up from the couch.

“We should help your dad with stuff if he’s going to slave away making us dinner.” Dave had never initiated spending time with John’s dad before, and seeing it for the first time made John feel... really happy.

“Yeah, I’m sure the three of us can make something super delicious. I’m going to call Karkat and see if he wants to eat with us.”

“Well be quick or I’ll burn the house down before you can even make it into the kitchen. These sick fires cannot be tamed.” Dave wandered off and John heard his rambling banter pick up from the other room. John dialed Karkat and hoped he’d be able to make it. His dad’s comment about family had made John realize that’s exactly how he felt too, and he wanted to be close to all of them right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter of this particular story arc! My first complete multi-chapter fic, I can't believe it. I have at least two more stories planned with these characters though, so I'm sure you'll see them again.
> 
> Thank you to my Smut-Editor-In-Chief, she is amazing. Despite her assistance I obsessively micro-edit even after posting, I can't help myself. Be warned.
> 
> Writing updates and little snippets of things that didn't make it into the fic can be found on my writing tumblr here: [Tsunamayo Makizushi's Writing Tumblr](http://tsunamayo-makizushi.tumblr.com)
> 
> I deeply appreciate kudos and especially comments, thank you for reading!


	5. Bonus Chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Tsunamayo Makizushi's Writing Tumblr](http://tsunamayo-makizushi.tumblr.com)

Their hands were on him and it felt so good, so right and perfect. His arousal shivered through him like electricity, sparking and arcing between nerve endings. Dave’s fingertips tingled; he could feel his heartbeat pounding in his chest and his cock. He wanted to open himself to them, be filled by them, let them make him as right and perfect inside as his skin felt under their hands. He felt the words rise up from deep in his chest. They were on his tongue like soap bubbles; bitter and strange, but fragile. He could open his mouth and let the words pour out; let them pop and be known. Let his lovers hear his desperation and need. He could open his mouth and let Karkat and John fill the emptiness where the words had been. He could feel John’s cock hard against his ass even through their underwear and oh, it tingled and ached so sweetly. What if he said it? Karkat was right in front of him, hardly dressed and already unsheathed. What if the little bubbles escaped? _Please. Oh please. Fuck me, love me, make me yours. Make me good._

A little voice whispered in his ear.

**_Easy_.**

Dave mentally shoved it aside and dug his fingers into Karkat’s back. He scraped his teeth on Karkat’s neck, biting down on it along with his tongue so that he knew how much pressure he was using. So that he could still taste the salt of Karkat’s skin.

**_You’re good at that._ **

He pulled himself closer and hid from himself in Karkat’s mouth. His lips were kiss swollen and sensitive from Karkat’s sharp teeth. The hot, wet haven welcomed him and made him feel safe. Karkat licked into his mouth and the taste of him made Dave dizzy. The smell of the breath he stole straight from Dave’s lungs, the tiny rattling noise from his chest that was more feeling than sound; they drove him to the edge of silence. The words coalesced into being slowly, building like an orgasm. But not yet, not quite. Dave sucked Karkat’s lower lip into his mouth and worried it lightly with his teeth, pulling off slowly with a wet pop when he felt John’s hand under his chin.

John had shifted from behind him and his back felt cold and exposed.

There was an even quieter voice, more sensation than words.

_Unsafe._

He was safe though. Handfuls of skin here and there where their thighs met, or their fingers covered him; those bits of him were safe and whole. He wanted to be completely covered in them; he wanted to be wrapped in them so that he could hardly breathe. He wanted it so badly his eyes prickled with tears and the emptiness inside him felt like it would collapse into a black hole.

**_Greedy_.**

He closed his eyes tightly, flung his arms around John's neck, and kissed him with Karkat’s taste still lingering on his lips. John was so tender, so painfully gentle with him. His touch burned like cleansing fire and it was all he could do to keep from rubbing along every inch of John like a cat in heat.

**_Slut_.**

He licked John’s lips tentatively, and pushed in when they parted. The inside of John’s mouth was filled with life and happiness; he plunged in like a thirsty man into a river of sweet water. He couldn’t have found his way back out if he tried, even if he wanted to.

Everything was almost overwhelming, leaving no room for his usual chill. The part of him that was always detached listened as the metaphors of his internal dialog became sappy and overwrought, decidedly uncool, but he hardly cared. He just had to keep quiet and no one would know. When Karkat pulled him back again John followed, never breaking the kiss. He was sitting now, between Karkat’s legs with John’s mouth on his. He was suddenly very small between them.

**_Don’t stop_.**

The energy that flowed through him from where their skin touched buzzed with a new intensity. Everything felt so amazing it was almost frightening. It was okay though, because they would stop if he asked.

**_Are you sure?_ **

John laid tiny little kisses along his jaw and onto his neck. He tilted his head back onto Karkat’s shoulder to give him better access.

 _Vulnerable_.

His chest felt tight so he breathed deeply to relieve the pressure, and it rushed back out as a moan.

**_Noisy bitch_.**

The words pulsed behind his teeth again, but they tasted bad this time, like bile and guilt. Touch me, fuck me, please don’t leave. Want me, love me, _keep me_. He swallowed the filth back, unwilling to spew his selfish wanting all over the men he loved. He just needed to stay quiet.

John’s cock pressed against his. Dave arched his back to maintain the pressure and felt Karkat’s bulge stir against his lower back. It was so much. There were damp places all over, sticking to his skin. John’s tongue was slick against his collarbone and he pressed Dave into Karkat hard, squashing the breath out of him. They would stop. This is what he wanted, what he clearly wanted, but they would stop if he asked. The word 'stop' formed in his mind like mist, like a delicate snowflake. He dared himself to just… touch it lightly. See if it shattered under his fingers and sliced him to pieces.

**_Don’t stop_.**

These new words felt like razors in his mouth. Words that could cut, words that could wound, but that would only draw blood from him. Useless and dull against anyone else’s skin. Stop. Wait, just a moment. Please don’t. No, no, _stop_. His breathing was starting to go shallow, they would notice. They would see. Dave forced himself to breath more deeply just as John’s mouth closed around one of his nipples and it became an audible gasp. They would stop.

**_Are you sure?_ **

They would stop, but he didn’t want them to. He had to stay quiet or they'd stop.

**_Don’t stop_.**

Karkat breathed heavily and licked behind his ear. There were so many hands and mouths on him, so many warm, slick points of contact. It felt so good and so utterly terrifying. John sucked and flicked his tongue, he slid his hand up Dave’s thigh, almost under his boxers. The pressure sent searing heat straight to his cock and John’s fingers twitched, expressing intent and desire more clearly than a handwritten note. Dave wanted it. He wanted it more than anything. If he said stop the heavy pressure of John’s cock low on his stomach would leave. The hands on his body would disappear, and then how would he be safe? He would never be good. They would never press through the slime of his soul, never unearth something worth the love they poured into the empty space in his chest. He needed it.

**_Worthless_.**

He wanted it.

**_Whore_.**

John said something he couldn’t hear, but he felt hands on the elastic of his boxers. He kept quiet but felt himself nod his head, and he gasped when John’s hands moved lower, slipping under the fabric. His stomach jumped and his cock twitched as John sloppily trailed open mouth kisses down and down and down. There was a wet spot showing through his boxers. His hands were numb, he checked by running his fingers through John’s beautiful hair and he couldn’t feel any of it. He dared himself again. Stop. Thinking it hurt.

**_Don’t stop_.**

Nothing bruised more deeply than ignoring that word did now. Nothing cut deeper than the thought it wouldn't work, that it's never worked. Karkat mumbled something intimate and deep-throated, but it jittered in his brain and wouldn’t give up its meaning. Everything felt so intense he couldn't tell what hurt, what felt good, or what he wanted.

_**Don't lie.**  
_

_Stay quiet._

_**You want it.** _

Knives danced in his stomach, and he sliced himself up inside forcing them out. Please stop.

**_Don’t stop_.**

Stop. Don’t.

“Stop.”

He had whispered it, eyes closed, ready to be gone when it didn’t work. The hands on his hips under his boxers slipped out, the mouth on his nipple pulled off without fanfare, leaving him damp and cold. It felt like he should taste blood, but only air flowed over his tongue as he took shaky, panting breaths. The warm body at his back shivered and the sharp prickle of claws on his skin disappeared. Moving felt dangerous, but flushed with success he dared to pull his knees in and curl forward over them while John peppered him with questions and Karkat’s hands fluttered over his skin without actually touching him. He smiled and hid his face until he was sure he wouldn’t cry. Crying wasn't cool.

Dave had expected to feel empty, but he was wrong. He felt full, and warm, and the electricity sparking through his body settled to a constant hum of almost overwhelming pleasure. They stopped. He hadn’t even said please. He had meant to say please but the word got lost somewhere, drowned in the river of blood and fear that dragging 'stop' from his throat had caused.

Dave turned and hugged Karkat, leaning his full body weight onto him and digging his arms behind him through the pillows supporting his back. Karkat gingerly laid an arm over his shoulder, and then worked a hand up through Dave’s hair. “What is even going on with you right now? Are you okay?” Dave knew Karkat and John were exchanging looks, and he suddenly realized that John was probably worried he’d done something wrong.

He pulled himself out of Karkat’s arms and didn’t even try to fight the smile on his face. It felt good even if it wasn't cool. His laugh was a tiny bit damp when he molded himself to John and pulled him down onto the bed so that he could tangle their legs together. John’s hugs were a work of art; tight, firm pressure that covered the maximum area of his back, face to neck contact, chests and stomachs pressed together. It was a full body kind of hug that said “I love you” more plainly than simple words. That snuggly shit still freaked him out sometimes, but John and Karket put such depth of feeling into their affection that it didn't feel weird or creepy.

“Dave? Dave, what is it? Is something wrong?”

Dave shook his head and let his lips trail over John’s shoulder. “No. You stopped.”

John twitched. “Of course I stopped! You know I would, you know that.”

Dave clung to John and breathed his scent. “Nothing’s wrong. I got scared. I mean, I scared myself, but you stopped.” Dave ran his nose along the side of John’s neck, up to his ear, and into his hair. He smelled amazing, and Dave’s flagging erection came back almost painfully. “I want you so bad.” The intensity of his own voice shocked him.

John pulled away and Dave let him go. “But you just said-”

“I know what I said.” He should probably stay quiet, let them fuss over him, but this felt good. He wasn't sure what 'this' was, maybe confidence, boldness, or trust, something corny like that. In any case he ran with it; smiled and leapt like a kid flying off a swing, daring and reckless. “I said no and you listened. Let me say yes too.”

They asked “Are you sure?” and he said yes. They asked “You’ll stop us if you get scared again right?” and he said yes. He pulled John back to him for a moment and he was just so warm and good. Dave moved in a rolling motion with his whole body, hips to shoulders, spreading his thighs and arching his back.

**_Slut_.**

No.

He reached out to Karkat and grabbed his hand. “Can we... like we were?” They all shuffled around until Dave was back between Karkat’s legs, his head resting just above his collarbone. He shifted back as far as he could, spreading Karkat’s legs even more until it would be easy for Karkat to grind on him.

**_You’re good at this_.**

Shut up.

It wasn’t comfortable to reach his arms behind him or crane his neck up to kiss Karkat’s mouth but he tried it anyway. It was really nice. The skin on Karkat’s legs was so firm and smooth, he couldn’t touch it enough. John shifted back toward them, seeming unsure of himself. Dave ran his fingers lightly along the side of his face and drew him in for a kiss. Talking still wasn't easy but he needed to banish the worry curling John's lips down. “Thank you. For stopping. It’s what I needed.”

John pressed a smile against his lips. “We will always stop. Are you sure you’re ready to keep going?” Dave wanted to blurt out a confirmation, but he carefully considered the question. First of all, the question made sense, it wasn’t just random noise. He ran his fingers through John’s hair and it felt thick, soft, and perfect. He breathed deeply and his chest felt a tiny bit tight, but on his exhale he felt the anxiety drain out of him. Arousal still buzzed through his body, but it didn’t make him want to jump out of his skin. He smiled and looked into John’s bright blue eyes. “Yes.”

John pecked his lips once more before leaning over him to kiss Karkat. Karkat’s arms tightened around Dave and one of John’s hands idly trailed shapes on his chest, running lightly over skin and scar tissue.

**_Broken_.**

No.

He felt safe between them, small and sheltered. They had stopped. John pressed a thumb to Karkat’s mouth and Karkat worried at it with his teeth and tongue while John ducked down again to Dave. His eyes were heavy-lidded and the way his long eyelashes looked just about murdered Dave on the spot. John was so close Dave could feel it as well as hear when he spoke. “This okay?”

Dave stole breath from John’s question to answer, savoring the taste and the shape of the word in his mouth. “Yes.”

Kissing was so good, safe and intimate. It made him feel wanted. He bit and sucked at John’s tongue while kneading at Karkat’s thighs and pressing back into his bulge. Somehow they managed to both moan and sigh his name at the same time. The sound wrapped around him and anchored him there, taking root in his heart and riding on his breath. Dave. He was Dave and he had a name and he wanted this.

**_Pretty thing_.**

Quiet.

John settled his weight back on Dave, one leg pressed between his thighs and his cock hard against Dave’s abdomen. Skin rubbed against his so that he felt surrounded by sensation. Fingers and palms running over him, legs gripping him, arms pinning- no, holding him. Safe.

_Can’t move._

He gripped John harder than he usually dared and used the leverage to move lithely between them, pushing his body up into John’s and then back down onto Karkat’s from shoulders to ass. John grabbed his waist and thrust hard against him, making Dave cry out and Karkat swear colorfully. Dave pushed his leg up between John’s, making him squeak and knock his forehead on Dave’s shoulder. John hauled his weight onto his knees and pulled his other leg over Dave’s so he was kneeling between his thighs. Dave spread his legs and breathed “Yes” before John could even ask.

John covered Dave’s body with his own and thrust against him, his cock dragging against Dave’s through their boxers. He felt himself slip lower so that his head was resting on Karkat’s chest. He was buried in hot, increasingly damp bodies.

_Can’t breathe._

He opened his mouth and gasped, pleading “Please don’t stop, ah, yes, ah!” Karkat smoothed a hand along Dave’s face, moving hair out of his eyes, and Dave licked his fingers where he could reach before catching one and sucking it into his mouth. He heard “Holy shit” above him and “Oh my God” against his neck.

**_How’d you get so good?_ **

Fuck!

He was so close. Everything was a whirl of good, and yes, and more. Noises and words were coming out of his mouth without checking in first, his intense self scrutiny totally shut down by how present he felt in this. John rutted against him, fucking him into the mattress and Dave ached for John to plunge inside him.

**_Filthy_.**

FUCK OFF.

In all the jostling his cock slipped through the front of his boxers and he nearly sobbed with relief at the feel of slick skin against him. John’s underwear caught painfully on the tip, and he was so over-sensitive it made his hair want to stand on end. He reached down and grabbed a random handful of cloth, but he had the good sense to ask before he just wrenched them down. “Pull these off please, please, please.” John pressed an open-mouthed kiss that was half gasp into his mouth and used one hand to shove Dave’s hand down. The second John’s cock was free he laid his body all along the length of Dave’s again, then thrust so hard Dave bounced against the mattress.

 _Trapped_.

He thrust back up against John, increasing the friction and spreading their precome and sweat between them. John bit his shoulder, almost too hard.

**_Don’t stop_.**

Dave made a tiny, distressed noise before he could catch himself. “Nnn…” John kissed and licked the place he’d bitten, soothing the sting. He was glassy-eyed when his body shuddered to a stop. “Sorry, sorry, are you okay?”

Dave could have screamed. “Yes, don’t stop, oh my god I’m so close please!”

Air rushed out of John like a tiny explosion. He kissed the unfortunate bitten spot once more in apology and Dave groaned in relief when felt John’s strong body flex against him. Just the visual, just the idea of John driving into him, back working, the muscles of his arms taut with the strain of holding himself up, hips snapping, was almost enough to finish him off. Sweat gilded John’s skin and Dave licked him, half out of his mind with how good it all was. He glanced up and Karkat was biting his own knuckles, face red and pupils blown. He could only imagine how he looked from Karkat’s point of view; hair a complete mess, mouth slightly open, eyes naked. For a second it was almost too intimate, almost snapped him out of the moment and made him consider how thoroughly destroyed his cool was, but the look on Karkat’s face... Like he was seeing something beautiful...

**_Whore_.**

Lies.

Dave reached up and caught Karkat’s wrist, drawing his hand down and pulling two of Karkat’s fingers into his mouth. He tasted blood. Karkat must have bitten himself hard, but he licked it clean. Without his fist to muffle the sound, Karkat chirped and gasped every time Dave moved against him. Dave could feel Karkat’s bulge along his spine, moist and dripping.

The words came again as he licked and sucked Karkat’s fingers, as John kissed and bit his neck and chest while he fucked the small wet space between their abdomens. He couldn’t tell how they tasted this time; or maybe they tasted like Karkat’s fingers and John’s tongue. Maybe they tasted like blood and sweat, or skin and come. Yes, please. Love me, want me, need me. Maybe the words tasted like tears and fresh air. Like all the nonsense stuff dramatic songs and teenaged poems were made of. I love you, I want you, I need you. Dave bit Karkat’s fingers to help push a sob back down into his chest, and a few seconds he later shouted around them as he came. John’s thrusts became quick and erratic, making Dave pant and moan, completely over-stimulated. John collapsed when he climaxed. Sweat was glistening on his face.

Dave managed to fight through the haze of endorphins to grab Karkat’s arm. “Karkat. What do you need, let me-”

Karkat stopped him. “I finished when you bit me, and I’m surprised I still have fingers to be perfectly honest.” John had melted into a puddle like he would never move again, and considering how much human and troll come was currently plastered all over Dave’s body he seriously considered the risk that they’d be stuck this way forever.

**_Dirty_.**

Fuck that.

Dave wasn’t going to immediately abscond into the shower this time. It could wait. Karkat was purring up a storm and John was sleepily combing Dave’s sweaty hair out of his face. He motioned toward the closet door concealing his new dark room. “John, if you want to snuggle there’s a towel right over there. Can you grab it since you’re on top of the pile?” John grumbled but stickily dislodged himself and scrambled to get it.

When Dave reached for it John refused to hand it over, and insisted on wiping Dave down. The towel was still damp from his morning shower, so it felt nice and cool. Karkat took it and wiped off Dave’s back before cleaning himself up and tossing the now significantly more disgusting towel back to John. He made a face and laughed, using a vaguely clean corner to clear away the worst of the mess on his own stomach before flopping back onto the bed. Dave sighed dramatically. “I’m going to have to burn that towel, you know. Do you think I’m just made of towels? A guy puts one hand towel in his bathroom and suddenly his towel sanctity means nothing.”

Karkat poked him. “You suggested it, dumbass.”

John shushed them. “Shhh, only cuddles now.”

It wasn’t okay for him to fall asleep without showering. Dave wasn’t like that anymore; he didn’t wait for someone to tell him he was filthy, to clean himself up. But… they had gotten the worst of it off… And maybe if he waited, for just a little bit, one or both of them would come along. Dave’s shower was pretty big, he’d made sure of it when he chose the apartment. Back then he figured he might as well splurge a bit, since he spent a lot of time in there. But it could be fun, showering with someone else. Someone he wanted.

There were hands all over him, soft ones and prickly sharp clawed ones. There were legs tangled up with his and people breathing onto him. He didn’t feel trapped, though he knew he might later. That was okay though, they’d let him go if he needed. He shifted, gingerly rolling onto his back to see how it felt. A shiver ran down his spine but there was no feeling of panic or impending terror. His boyfriends snuggled up to him on either side and he closed his eyes, immensely glad that he was okay for now; that, right now, he didn’t need them to stop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [EDIT] [ART FOR THE FIC! LOOOK!!!](http://tsunamayo-makizushi.tumblr.com/tagged/fic-art)
> 
> A bonus chapter because I love you so much and because it would not leave my head.
> 
> A huge thank you to my smut-editor, she is the best. Despite her assistance I obsessively micro-edit even after posting, I can't help myself. Be warned.
> 
> Writing updates and little snippets of things that didn't make it into the fic can be found on my writing tumblr here: [Tsunamayo Makizushi's Writing Tumblr](http://tsunamayo-makizushi.tumblr.com)
> 
> I deeply appreciate kudos and especially comments, thank you for reading!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **AN UPDATE:** This universe has outgrown its humble beginnings as a kink meme prompt. This chapter, formerly chapter 1 of this fic is **no longer canon** , though it is being left up for posterity. The rest of this fic is still canon though.  
> [Tsunamayo Makizushi's Writing Tumblr](http://tsunamayo-makizushi.tumblr.com)

Life was finally starting to take on an air of normalcy in the new universe. The planet everyone ended up on was a strange mash-up of Earth, Alternia, and Beforus with decidedly unique elements original to itself. Thankfully, the surviving players had some small influence in the universe’s creation, which resulted in the spontaneous reanimation of their dearly departed friends. Other people were hit or miss; both John and Jane’s fathers sprang into existence as brothers, and Karkat was joined by not one but two alternate versions of himself, both of whom he cared for and disdained in equal measure. Vriska, on the other hand, reigned as the sole Serket, and to everyone’s relief Feferi and Meenah were not accompanied back into existence by Her Imperial Condescension. Inconsistencies abounded among the humans as well; Rose found herself with a large family consisting of her mother, an Aunt Rose, and a cousin Roxy, but neither Dave nor Dirk's respective Bros were anywhere to be found as of yet.

Almost everyone from the games kept in reasonably close contact with each other, and now that reality was no longer unraveling they were able to actually enjoy a degree of normalcy in their friendships and relationships. John in particular was cheerfully dedicated to reestablishing himself in the lives of his friends after his long, retcon-induced absence.

He shoved his way through the door to Dave’s apartment, carrying bags full of movies and junk food. “It’s movie niiight! Movie night! Aren’t you excited, because it’s movie night?”

Dave neglected to rise from the couch where he was gracelessly flopped, playing some of the new universe’s video games. “Dude, are you kidding me with this? No one is coming this week. You scared them all away with your terrifyingly bad movie collection.”

“Karkat’s coming! I told him he could pick the movies.” John came around the couch and unloaded piles of snacks and alcohol onto - and eventually around - the coffee table.

“What?! No, that’s going to be awful. Why is this happening and, more importantly, why is it happening to me specifically?” Dave discarded his controller and started poking through the food until he found a mini bag of cheese curls.

“Come on, you knew this was coming. Your place’s the only one that’s free tonight. Accept your fate with dignity.” He sprawled next to Dave on the couch, lazily filching some of Dave’s imitation cheese food product instead of getting his own. John had instituted a regular, roving movie night that took place in whoever's home happened to be available Thursday evening. Attendance varied depending on everyone’s schedules, but Karkat nearly always made it, and since Dave lived alone he ended up hosting nearly half of the time. “Anyway, I didn’t tell Karkat what pool of movies he’d be choosing from, so don’t worry. I made sure to only bring the very best.”

“Oh, that makes it SO much better. Catastrophe averted.” Dave shifted his cheese curls closer to John and grabbed a bottle of cider. “The only way I’m making it through the Karkat approved selection of YOUR movies is completely wasted. In ten years when I’m checking into celebrity rehab this will be my origin story.”

The door opened in the middle of Dave’s grousing and Karkat came in lugging his computer and bags of actual groceries. “Where the fuck is everyone, John? You told me we were having a movie night.” He dropped the food on the apartment’s tiny kitchen counter and started unpacking with a scowl.

“What’s with the domesticity? Are those eggs?” Dave peered over the back of the couch into the kitchen.

“Great observation skills, nookstain. That stupid gaping asshole told me we were having an all night movie marathon so I brought breakfast things since you can’t be trusted to have potable water in your festering stink hole of an apartment, much less actual consumables digestible by sentient life.” Karkat flung open the fridge. “And oh, look at that, half a package of meat tubes and a single stale cupcake. Wow, fucking amazing.”

“At least it’s not full of shitty swords. I don’t think you understand how much I’m accommodating you people and your constant invasion of my living space. I’ve got a hand towel in the bathroom for fuck’s sake. The place is practically Fancy Pants Manor on Butler Island. What more do you want from me, turn down service and complementary blow jobs?”

John cut them both off before they could pick up anymore steam. “We are having a movie marathon, just the three of us! It’ll be fun. We need to make up for all the time we spent not hanging out together.” John was super excited that two of his favorite people had grown close. He was! But he could admit being slightly jealous. Of whom or what he wasn't quite sure, he only knew he wanted to spend a lot of time with both of them now that he had the chance.

Eventually everyone settled on the couch and John presented his selection of movies to Karkat. “Here you go buddy, choose whatever you like.” Karkat reached beside the couch and pulled up his computer bag. “Yeah, nice try, brain hero, but you told me I could pick the movies and I did already. They’re downloaded and good to go. You’re fucking welcome.” The look he gave John was smugly satisfied as Dave sorted out the cords to hook the computer up to the TV, snorting with laughter.

“We have to watch at least some of mine; I brought them all the way here!” John gestured dramatically at the teetering stack of movies.

“And this juvenile oinkbeast went weh weh weh all the way to shut the fuck up. You gave me control of the purulent bulge train that is this despondent loser party, and as its designated conductor I have a fucking schedule. We’ll get to your literal shit shows IF we have time.” Karkat pulled a pop from the carton and fiddled with the controls on his computer. John could see he really did have a playlist prepared and gave up trying to argue. “Everyone have sufficient quantities of trash food and soporifics to keep their face gashes quiet during the movie? Yes? Good. Let’s start.”

The first movie opened in a blare of music, and a black and white shot of someone bursting out of a body of water. “The hell is this? It’s not even in color.” John whined. Dave kicked him and Karkat disdainfully dismissed his complaints. “Be quiet. I know for a fact that you are going to love this movie and I swear to the unholy ichor dripping horrorterrors living in Lalonde’s soul that we will watch it as many times as it takes for you to pay attention instead of flapping your bulge licker.”

That movie and then two more went by with all three of them vaguely sidling towards tipsy but still just shy of drunk. Karkat relaxed and eventually stopped telling the others off for talking. John seesawed back and forth between leaning on Karkat and Dave, becoming cuddlier with each ricochet. The credits started to play for the third movie and John sagged into Karkat’s side. Dave was half asleep and his hair had degraded from artfully tousled to goofy mess. It made John smile. He poked Dave with his foot, startling him out of his doze.

“What? We doin’ the next movie now?” Dave rubbed his face under his glasses.

“Nah. I’m just bothering you. I super love you, you know? You’re so great.” He turned up into Karkat’s face. “I love you too, you’re both my best friends.”

Karkat went slightly red and pushed John onto Dave. “Are you really doing this right now, you drunken bulge munch?”

“I’m not that drunk, I mean it! I’d mean it sober too, I love you guys. Dave. Daaave.” John smiled into his shoulder.

“What, dude? How many did you have, seriously?”

“I didn’t. I just… I really missed you guys and you’re so important to me and I just…” John looked up into Dave’s sleep ruffled face and his lips were so _there_ and so _perfect_ , so he kissed them. For a moment Dave went very still and tense, but then he turned pliant and even opened his mouth to the kiss.

Kissing Dave was amazing, he should have done it ages ago. He sat up straighter and put a hand to Dave’s face. Dave was a really good kisser, he moved with John exactly right and his breath stuttered in a way that made John’s mind take a very sharp turn to perv's ville. It was right when that thought was lazily swanning through his mind that he heard Karkat make an incoherent noise behind him.

John broke the kiss and Dave drew back quickly with a shuddery gasp. Karkat’s face was practically radiating heat. “Oh god. Fuck. I can fucking go, it’s-” John proceeded to kiss Karkat too. He didn't know what he was thinking at that moment - if he was thinking anything, it was that both of these people were everything that mattered to him.

Karkat made a startled, almost indignant noise before furiously throwing himself into the kiss. Where Dave had been soft and weirdly talented, Karkat was passionate. He grabbed John like he would break him, his claws snagging in John’s shirt. John learned that troll lips felt subtly different, and that Karkat’s tongue was ever so slightly rough, like sandpaper.

After long, frantic seconds the two mutually broke apart and caught their breath. Karkat was redder than John thought possible with his grey skin, and Dave seemed frozen. John looked between the two of them as though he were suddenly shocked to be there. “I’m sorr-”

“Don’t you FUCKING finish that sentence, Egbert.” Karkat warned.

He glared at Dave, and Dave finally took a breath and turned to John. “Yeah, man. Why would you say that?”

“You mean... that was okay?” John glanced nervously between the two of them, unable to hide a tiny smile.

“I think I might have had a tiny brain aneurysm, but other than that no, it’s great!” Karkat’s voice had taken on a squeaky, slightly frantic tone. Dave just nodded mutely.

John threw a slightly uncoordinated arm around each of them and pulled them close. For a moment he was too happy to speak, but then he had a sudden idea and his trickster’s gambit howled with glee. His happy smile transformed into a mischievous grin as he hauled Dave and Karkat together over his lap and cackled, “Now kiss!”

Karkat seemed to have been expecting something like this to happen. That or he was remarkably good at going with the flow. Dave reacted much like he had with John, only this time his glasses were knocked off during the sudden flurry of movement. Dave… didn't look very comfortable, though he responded to the kiss. He took the same little hitching breaths, but they weren't sexy from John’s new perspective... Well, they were kind of sexy, but they were also worrying. Without thinking, John slid his hand to the back of Dave’s neck and started to ask, “Dave, are you-”

Dave flinched hard away from John and smacked a hand over his mouth. He took a quick, panicked look around the room and practically dove for the bathroom. John shouted “Dave?!” and Karkat tumbled into John’s lap with a squawk.

John felt a sick swooping sensation in his stomach. Something suddenly seemed horribly wrong. Karkat huffed an irritated sigh and sat up. “Idiot drank too much. I cannot believe the sheer anti-perfection of his stomach’s timing. It’s almost beautiful.”

“No, none of us drank that much. That’s not it.” A few minutes later Dave slunk out of the bathroom looking deeply uncomfortable. “What's up? Are you okay?”

Dave ran his fingers through his hair and wouldn't quite meet John’s eyes. “Yeah, I’m fine. I just drank too much is all.”

Karkat squinted at Dave suspiciously. “You’re lying. Why are you lying?”

Dave rejoined them on the couch but sat gingerly, and out of their reach like he might have to run for it. Anxiety was washing over John in waves. “What’s wrong, did you not want to kiss us? That’s okay if you didn’t want to. Karkat is pretty gross.” Karkat smacked him distractedly.

“No! No, I wanted to. I’m sorry. I was just almost sick. Nerves.”

“Dave you looked terrified, and you flinched like it hurt when I touched you.”

Karkat looked between the two of them, starting to look angry. “You did that on the meteor too sometimes, was that normal?” He turned to John. “Isn’t that normal?”

“No, it’s not normal!” There was a note of panic in John’s voice, which he heard and quickly squashed down. The happy haze that had made John cuddly and brave was dissipating at a rapid pace, and he desperately tried to think more clearly. In a calmer voice he asked, “Dave?”

If anyone had ever looked as awkward and unhappy as Dave did right then, John had never seen it. He wasn't sure before, but now he knew something wasn't right. Pressing felt like a bad idea at the moment, so he just waited. Miraculously, Karkat seemed to have come to the same conclusion and fixed Dave with a steady gaze, but also managed to stay quiet. Eventually Dave sighed and, rather blatantly from John's perspective, started trying to smooth things over.

“It’s nothing, okay. I was just really anxious ‘cuz we were all kissing and I didn’t want to mess it up, and I get jumpy when I’m anxious. My stomach gets jumpy. It’s not a big deal.” John was still worried, but Karkat appeared to be getting madder by the minute.

“Dave, I know when you’re lying and you’re so full of shit right now, I’d leave it alone but we’ve got some sort of… insane romantic entanglement starting to happen here - notice how I did not use the word ‘quadrants,’ this is how much I like you, god knows why - and I want to know what in the name of the Mother Grub's bulbous undulating digestive sac is going on!” This all escaped Karkat in a stream and it looked like he could have continued, but Dave hunched in on himself like something had suddenly gone out of him.

“Fine. It’s not even a big deal, you guys are carrying on like it’s the end of the world, hah, again, but it’s not, I promise. It’s just, uh… Bro used to be kinda hard on me sometimes, you know, when I fucked shit up or whatever. So, sometimes I’m a little twitchy. It’s really stupid.” Dave seemed to be trying to emote like normal, but his movements were jerky and unnatural, like he was a puppet on strings.

John started to ask what that meant but Karkat blurted out “Oh my god. That was your lusus right? _He’s_ why your skin is all fucked up? I thought you were in some kind of fight! Troll Jesus Christ.”

“What is he talking about?” John looked about frantically. “And what does this have to do with us kissing? Why is _that_ what freaked you out?”

Dave looked at them both helplessly for a moment and, to everyone’s shock, including his own, started crying. Not big, hiccupping, dramatic sobs, just a quiet keen that he was clearly trying to stop from happening. “Sorry, I’m sorry, I’m ruining everything. And now I’m making it all about myself by apologizing. Fuck. I’m sorry.”

John carefully, making his movements obvious and telegraphing his intentions with what felt like every molecule of his body, scooted closer to Dave and put an arm around him. Karkat looked fretful and angry, like he needed to go out and find a problem and then wreck its day. Dave quickly brought his breathing back under control and forcefully wiped his eyes, like he was intensely resentful of their betrayal.

Karkat gave him a hard yet sympathetic Look and said "Explain." Among John's panicked, racing thoughts he found himself wondering if Karkat practiced these things in the mirror.

“Yes, fine, okay. I guess… he used to hurt me kind of a lot. Karkat’s seen me without a shirt on once or twice and I suppose I look kind of fucked up from the stuff he did. It was mostly training that I needed though. I don’t know. And…” Dave started to look sick again. “He did other stuff sometimes. Some of it’s kind of hard for me to remember, but other parts I remember, like, too much? And it makes it hard for me to, you know, do stuff with people I like.” He rubbed his face with both hands. “Ugh, this is so weird. And probably unhelpfully vague. I’m sorry.”

“Um, to clarify, he was abusing you? And doing sex stuff to you?” Dave cringed in embarrassment, but still nodded. John was horrified. “We were kids! Like, we were _little_ kids, children. I. Just… What?!” Karkat looked beyond shock, and John struggled to collect himself.

“How did I not know, we were friends for ages!” He wracked his mind, trying to remember if he had noticed any clues or a shift in Dave’s demeanor when they were younger. But… he had always been secretive, talking so much that he avoided saying anything. He also used to regularly mention so-called martial arts training with Bro, and he had been the most knowledgeable about sexual topics among John’s friends. At the time it made John think he was cool and grown up. “I should've at least noticed when something changed, fuck!”

Dave shook his head. “That’s not your fault. All of it really started before I even met you.”

Karkat was incredulous. “Your Bro-lusus fucking _died_ when you were 13 human years old. How old could you have possibly been?”

At that Dave hung his head and said “Please stop” so quietly John, sitting right next to him, almost missed it. A fine tremor had developed in Dave’s hands as the conversation went on, and it had moved all the way up to his shoulders until he was fighting to stay still.

“Okay, yeah, we don’t have to talk about that anymore right now.” John felt hideously awkward. The swelling balloon of happiness in his chest had deflated, leaving him feeling empty inside. “I’m really sorry for kissing you like that, by surprise.”

“Ugh, god, no! I’m not fucking broken. I mean, maybe I am, I don’t know, but I don’t want to be.” Dave looked between John and Karkat. “This is all kinds of weird for me right now, and I’m not the huge feelings guy, but if you’re both serious,” He smiled nervously. “I want to do this. I want to make it hapen.”

John hugged Dave more firmly and Karkat observed them with fond disgust. “This is the moment that you choose to drag that tired old meme out like the most decrepit, rancid hoofbeast that ever died. I’m awestruck, I swear to god I’m having a religious experience. What is the inverse of enlightenment because I’m achieving it as we speak.”

“Sooo. Does that mean we’re dating? It’s not weird for you guys?” John looked hopeful, if still anxious.

“Are you kidding, of course it’s weird as hell. We’re fucked up, man, but... yeah, I’d like that. Karkat?”

Karkat looked conflicted for a moment before bursting out, “Okay but we’re going to have to actually discuss what this means quadrant-wise at SOME point or my propriety gland will burst and I’ll die of shame. I mean, I kind of feel like I just participated in a pale orgy here, but there was also red kissing AND your face offends me, John Egbert, so we don’t need to talk about it right this fucking minute but by god it’s happening eventually.”

They all snuggled back into the couch more closely than before, and when Karkat halfheartedly suggested putting on the next movie Dave shook his head. “We’ll just fall asleep if we start another one, and I know you worked _so_ hard choosing them.” He nudged John carefully. “I think he’s already sleeping actually.”

John was not quite asleep, but getting up seemed like an absurdly difficult undertaking, so he sighed and instead devoted his remaining energy to making himself more comfortable. The morning found all three of them piled on the couch like puppies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Augh, this is so fluffy what am I doing?
> 
> The rating may change for future installments when they happen. Who am I kidding, when this does continue it'll totally be porn. The cutest porn.
> 
> Once again, thank you to my editor who is the best. Also, I obsessively micro-edit even after posting, I can't help myself. Be warned.
> 
> I deeply appreciate kudos and comments especially, thank you for reading!

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Panic.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6484648) by [orphan_account](https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account)




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